It's quite common:after a breakup, we often say to ourselves that we can remain friends with our ex, even though we know exactly the reasons why we are no longer with this person, whether it is because the feelings have passed or just because we know we are not meant to be together. Why would all this change now that we are no longer with the person? And yet, we often persist in trying to maintain links. A study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences looked into the matter and asked a group of 348 volunteers to name the reasons why two former lovers would want to remain friends. 153 reasons emerged, which were then submitted to the judgment of a second group, which classified them according to their level of importance. In the end, the researchers shed light on the 7 main reasons that make you try to keep a link with an ex:
Nostalgia – “We had a great time together”
The pragmatic side – “He/she has money” or “I can continue to live in his/her apartment”
Feelings still present – “I still feel something for this person”
Children or common property – “I am pregnant”, “We have children together” or “We bought a house together”
A social bond to maintain – “I don’t want it to be weird with our friends”
A lack of sexual attractiveness - "I still like this person, I'm just not sexually attracted anymore"
A sexual need – “I don’t want to be in a relationship with this person, but I would like to be able to continue having sex with them”
Looking closer, the researchers noted that reasons of a sexual or pragmatic nature were generally given more by men than by women, but that it was mainly a question of personality. Thus, extrovert people tended to stay friends with an ex for sexual reasons, while pessimistic people did so out of nostalgia or because of lingering feelings.
Too bad the study didn't answer the question of whether staying friends with an ex was a good thing or not. One thing is certain:we are not the only ones who want to do it!
