By definition, grandparents help children in education. If we no longer live in a society where the whole family is reunited under the same roof, this traditional role remains, albeit in a smaller and more playful dimension. However, it is common for many grandparents to babysit their grandchildren and contribute to their education. However, in the case of a child on the autism spectrum, it is therefore important for all caregivers to understand the different needs and the mode of education adapted to autistic children.
Autism suffers above all from a lack of visibility and awareness among the general public. In a longer and more correct version, we speak to designate it of autism spectrum disorders (ASD), these presenting a wide variety of symptoms from one case to another, sometimes even in apparent contradiction with each other. others. What people on the spectrum have in common are generally difficulties in communication, in social interactions in general, as well as repetitive or even obsessive behaviors (restricted centers of interest, mania, etc. ). It is not a disease per se but a neurodevelopmental disorder. A term has also been adopted by neurodiversity activists to designate people affected by ASD:neuroatypicality; knowing that people who are not autistic are, for their part, qualified as “neurotypical”. In France, one in 150 people would be affected by ASD.
However, this lack of awareness affects not only the diagnosis, but also the approach adopted with autistic people. On the one hand, not suffering from an outwardly visible handicap and being characterized precisely by a certain awkwardness in social interactions, people on the autism spectrum do not benefit from the same sympathy capital as other people. with disabilities:autism generates less empathy than a wheelchair, to put it bluntly. On the other hand, lack of knowledge around the subject and the wide variety of disorders contribute to the discomfort of people interacting with those affected by ASD:more than indifference, it is sometimes the fear of doing things wrong that complicates interactions. This is what many grandparents tell us about their interactions with an autistic grandchild.
You should know that the symptomatic signs of an autistic disorder, if they are not "treated" can dissipate in adulthood. One of the best ways to lessen the scope is early detection of the disorder. The earlier this is identified, the more it is possible to intervene with significant effects. However, the first step is of course this diagnosis. And it may then be that it escapes the parents, or that they are reluctant to consider it as such. If you therefore suspect that your grandchild is on the autism spectrum, do not hesitate to raise the subject with his parents. It can be a difficult conversation, requiring careful consideration depending on their attitude to the subject. However, it is also your role as grandparents to intervene with a more perspective, and the first step to take to adjust to this slightly different child.
Some associations offer workshops to specifically help grandparents understand, on the one hand, what is going on in the minds of the grandchildren concerned, and, on the other, a set of skills and behaviors to adopt as a result. For those who don't have such an offer nearby, here's what you could get out of it.
The first step is to understand autism. To put it simply, autism being a neurological disorder, people with it see and feel the world differently, literally. This question of feelings is particularly important, because emotions are generally experienced by autistic people without a filter, so to speak. Emotions tend to overwhelm them. In addition, their communication problems make it difficult for them to communicate these emotions, even if they have managed to identify them themselves. This leads to a way of expressing emotions where they seem exaggerated, out of proportion... which is enough to cause panic and generate misunderstanding among loved ones.
For example, behaviors that may seem cheeky and inappropriate often result from a situation perceived as difficult by the child, or from an inability to express their anxieties and needs in any other way - much like a baby can only cry for draw attention to him. Of course, this does not mean rushing in the opposite direction and adopting a lax attitude in the face of the first whim that comes along. This is the difficulty of educating an autistic child:identifying the disorders that fall on the spectrum and treating them as such. In this regard, it should be borne in mind that the child himself is often not able to identify the emotions that trouble him and the causes of these. Since each autistic person is unique and has their own disorders, you can communicate with the parents to identify not only the situations that are quick to cause difficulties, but also the signs of distress in the child. It is also in contact with it that you will manage more easily, on your own, to recognize them and remedy them.
Asking parents about children's habits and routines can be helpful, as neuroatypical people often struggle with change and prefer consistency. In the same way, reprimands following a "crisis", as well as the approach to discipline in general, should remain consistent with those of the parents, so as not to generate misunderstanding on the part of the child, which would only add to his confusion. Conversely, a good way to strengthen your bond is, for example, to establish a regular activity (weekly, monthly, etc.) that you share together. By anchoring it in its routine, it will help maintain a healthy relationship between you.
A common method to help a child manage and recover from their emotions is to set up a quiet corner where they can retreat and do solitary activities. You can also suggest that they represent their emotions non-verbally, through drawing and coloring for example. Also try to allow him to communicate his feelings with you using simple and direct words:"sad", "pissed", etc. Finally, don't forget to positively reinforce his positive behaviors, as well as evoking the positive emotions he feels in the same way. Difficulties generated by the autism spectrum should not define his life!
Different methods have been developed to support autistic children:3i method, ABA, or TEACCH method. These methods vary, but the main ideas on which they are based are the provision of a calm environment conducive to healthy development, as well as behavioral approaches, i.e. dictating methods of education based on autistic behaviors. They generally involve professionals collaborating with the parents of autistic children:so make sure you are included in the program adopted by the parents.
Finally, be aware that there are many associations serving families. Do not hesitate to contact them for advice on recurring problems or specific situations. These also organize workshops as mentioned above, and a digital and telephone platform, Autisme Info Service, now exists to advise and support relatives of autistic children.
