From the very first moment your child is born, feelings come into play that you have never felt before. Feelings of deep, heartfelt love like you've never experienced it before. Feelings of caring, that little bumblebee that you have in your arms is after all very dependent on you. But along with those nice feelings, there are also a lot of fears as a mother.
Fears as a mother that sometimes have to do with very simple things like… isn't my baby too cold? Or does he or she want to eat or is it about thought. And what about those cramps? Is this normal, or is there something else going on? Because with the fact that they are so dependent on you comes a lot of worries. And how do you as a mother know exactly what is going on?
In fact, these are the concerns that almost every mother is familiar with. But those worries can just turn into fears that you get as a mother in certain situations.
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I can tell you that I have already endured a lot of anxiety as a mother. Not all life-threatening though. But for me to get a knot in my stomach.
I only have to think about our first weeks as mom and dad. Happy because our baby was born, but also very anxious because he was born 7 weeks early!
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In the baby phase with Luc, my fears had to do with the 'normal' questions such as 'is he getting enough nutrition', 'why does he keep crying like that', 'what about the RS virus now that he is so small, he must be coughing and spitting up a lot', etcetera. These fears had to do with the unknown. But to that was added 'will he make it at all' and 'what will the future look like for him'? Even then, ignorant whether he would be left with damage from his premature birth.
But as the children grow up, the fears change. From 'as long as she doesn't swing her bike too much when a car comes' to 'Where is he, he would have been home 45 minutes ago and it is dark'. With every step with which you try to let go of your child, a new fear or worry seems to arise. He goes to sports on his bike alone, you at home in the rats because of the traffic.
For example, a few weeks ago we let our 11-year-old son go to the Efteling with a few friends. Without parents. I am convinced that moments like this are very good for the self-confidence of children. After all, you trust that he or she can handle it. That must be a good feeling, especially when the day is going well and they come home full of cool stories. But as a parent you wonder all day how things are going. Sure I asked if he wanted to keep us informed, but hey, I've been young too 😉 . So it didn't surprise me that we only got a short app at the end of the day.
Over the past week, I've been through some fears as a mother again. I've been dreading winter sports for weeks. Super fun to go of course, but our previous experiences have led me to see winter sports as a rather unsafe whole. Readers who have been following me for some time know that my daughter broke her leg on the first day of skiing during a previous skiing holiday. Now that broken leg was not so bad (it was very annoying), but her head injury all the more.
She hit an iron obstacle in the fun park with sleds. And when I picked her up off the floor, her whole face was askew. The 7cm wound just above her eye and through her eyebrow was wide open and had disfigured her entire face. Fortunately, after 4 days in hospital, we were allowed to go home. She was actually very lucky, but somehow that feeling has not stayed with me and I only feel the fear.
How will it go next time?
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Fear that she will get hurt like that again. Fear of her frivolous behavior. She feels fairly free on the slopes (with some healthy tension every now and then). And I'd like to keep it that way, of course, because that's good for her. Good for her confidence and good for the way she goes down on the slopes. Because the more anxious… the more dangerous.
Let go, I think. But that's difficult. And you probably recognize that 😉 . Maybe not with skiing, but with something else where you find it difficult to let go.
Yet our children need that letting go in order to grow. To become more independent and to develop into a self-confident child. It could just be that - with every step your child takes forward - you get another fear as a mother. Nice then.
But above all, it is wonderful to see how such a small person started out helplessly in your arms, making his way through life. And grows. No fear or worry can compete with that 😉 .
Image used via Shutterstock
