It's a drizzly afternoon. My daughter is sitting with her BFF in the movie theater listening to my instructions. The girls are allowed to go to the movies alone for the first time. And alone in this case is really alone. The whole room is for themselves. This movie, Storm, was a birthday present from my daughter to her friend. Including accompanying snacks and drinks. My explanation about how to act in case of calamities does not seem to bother them that much. And as often I am again the overprotective mother of a teenager.
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Out of decency they try to listen to me a bit but they can't wait to take their smartphone out of their handbag to take selfies. Just ten years! 😉 We are in a service cinema. By pressing a button, a waiter comes to take your order and you are served at your beck and call. When I start talking about the pass and the ordering procedure, I get some attention. They want to know what and how much they can order and how often they can press the button. When I'm almost done with my way too long speech (I know, I find this much more exciting than the girls), the last chapter of my instruction suddenly walks into the cinema….
An older man takes a seat in the back row. The girls are somewhere in the middle. They look up for a moment and continue giggling and checking to see if their phones are off. I am a little panicked myself. I cheer myself up and say that the child of “that man” had to go to the toilet, or is already getting the drinks. But no child will come.
The friends think I should go now, but not before I explain that if “that man” or someone else does something weird or says something crazy, they should immediately scream and press the button. Only when I have checked whether my telephone number is correct in their telephone, do I slowly walk out of the room. With abdominal pain. I am still waiting in vain for the child of “that man”. For a moment I consider buying a ticket and secretly taking a seat at the back of the room. But I don't want to ruin these big girls' “going to the movies alone” moment. They really wouldn't thank me for this. Still, I sneak back inside for a while. All three stare, each in their own place, at the big screen.
In the lobby I immediately approach a friendly employee and share my concerns with her. Fortunately she understands me completely and will keep an eye on things. She impresses me that they keep an extra eye on the cameras and that someone regularly walks into the room to see if everything is going well. She tells me that “that man” comes to this cinema more often. He is less gifted but wouldn't hurt a fly. poop!!!! Now I hate myself that I made a criminal of this nice, innocent man in my head.
The friendly employee wishes me a nice afternoon and allows me a wonderful one and a half hour off. Nice shopping was the intention, but you get the idea, I can't enjoy it now. I am strolling through the city, but I am brooding more than I am hunting for bargains. Well, mother of a teenager. What do you think? Am I such an overprotective mother or would doubt strike you too? And at what age would you let your child go to the cinema alone?
Read also: Fears as a mother during parenting
Okay, mother of a teenager in the house I thought was quite a milestone. It is not easy to lead her around in the world that is getting bigger for her. Not so much for my girl. She is already quite wise and responsible for her ten years. On the other hand, my girl is wonderfully uninhibited and playful. As it should be when you are 10 years old.
For me as a parent, the task of “mother of a teenager” is quite difficult for me. There are many dangers lurking today. In the past we were really only afraid of child molesters, in this day and age there are the dangers of abuse, kidnapping and bullying. And I haven't even mentioned the digital threat yet.
Now I'm trying to find the golden mean. Not too easy, but not too protective either. Not too strict, but not too loose either. Do I always have to tell them everything, or sometimes withhold some information? I think they call it letting go. I find it difficult.
I don't have it anymore and more than half an hour before the end of the film I go back to the cinema. I secretly look at the camera and see the girls staring neatly at the big screen, occasionally grabbing the popcorn box. “That man” is also just sitting in his own place, watching the film attentively, without refreshments.
Pffffff. I order a glass of wine to celebrate the happy ending. And to get through the next half hour. If only I had let it go, just trust the girls. Then I was still shopping. damn it. But that's easier said than done, the life of a mother of a teenager is not a bed of roses 😉 .
Read also: the puberty of my girls, their behavior makes me furious!
Normally I always trust my maternal instinct. I use the principle of the emergency response for parenting. No Business Assistance but Naming, Reiterating and Trust.
That is, name problems and dangers and discuss. We talk to the children about almost everything. repeat this us regularly. The power of repetition is enormous, although I sometimes go a bit too far according to my children. Finally, just trust have in yourself and in your child. Then a good gut feeling comes naturally to the children. Do what you think is right. You know your child best.
Why couldn't I fall back on my gut feeling this time and got scared? Afraid that something terrible would happen to the girls and I'm not there for them. Recognizable?
The movie is over. The girls come out of the room enthusiastically and with full bellies. They enjoyed the movie. And made cool selfies! While looking at the selfies, I ask the BFFs about "that man". Had he said anything else, or had he perhaps switched places? The ladies quickly look up from their phone calls:which man?
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