Relationships between parents-in-law and children-in-law do not always flow naturally... Indeed, it is not easy to develop in good harmony the inevitably different personalities and to succeed in expanding the family to include individuals outside this group, such as a step- daughter or son-in-law. However, maintaining a good relationship with your daughter-in-law or son-in-law allows you to lead a more pleasant and peaceful life for yourself as well as for your daughter's or son's life as a couple. So how do you best support your daughter-in-law or son-in-law?
Showing love to one's own children is something natural, of course. It is quite different with their spouses. Nobody forces you to love and support your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law because nothing predisposes you to it. This is why in particular, it is not necessary to feel guilty when the relationship between parents-in-law and children-in-law is not in good shape.
However, if you don't want to alienate your son or daughter, you must at least be kind to their spouse, even if you can't stand it...
The personality of your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law that you do not support (or just your personality…) can be at the origin of your bad relations with the spouse of your child.
But, most often, these disagreements are explained by a close relationship with his child. Seeing the latter leave and make a living with someone other than you can indeed be very difficult for a parent, leading to a feeling of abandonment, even suffering, that we tend to blame on our step- daughter or her son-in-law, and makes it difficult for her child's spouse to stand. This situation gives the impression that his daughter-in-law or his son-in-law are obstacles to prolonging the good relations of yesteryear with his daughter or son, and that it is impossible to continue to manage his life, which is inevitably a false good idea vis-à-vis his daughter-in-law or his son-in-law.
Not supporting one's daughter-in-law or son-in-law is often due to the fact that they are unconsciously considered as rivals or competitors, whereas in terms of relations between parents and son-in-law, it is not at all a question of of this register there.
When the spouse of his child arrives, there is a one in two chance that you will not get along with your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law. These newcomers to the family may indeed be a thousand miles from your lifestyle or you may have nothing in common with them. They were chosen by your daughter or son, not by you!
If you want your child to be happy, then you must absolutely make every effort to maintain a good relationship with your daughter-in-law or son-in-law despite everything. Follow our advice to at least look good!
In any case, in the event of a conflict with your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law, it is strongly advised never to encourage your daughter or your son to take sides.
In order to successfully support your daughter-in-law or son-in-law, consider getting help, for example, from relatives at first. Less engaged than you with your stepchildren, they have the necessary distance, and greater objectivity, to recognize the qualities of your stepdaughter or your son-in-law that you cannot, or do not want, to detect in them and confess them to you.
In the presence of your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law whom you cannot stand, above all do not intervene to judge them or, for example, criticize them in relation to one of their decisions or actions. It is first and foremost a matter of courtesy towards your stepchildren but also, and probably above all, the behavior to adopt so as not to offend them and sour relations with your own children.
Not putting up with your daughter-in-law or son-in-law also very often gets worse at the birth of grandchildren, especially if you have the impression that your daughter or son is putting you aside from their education. Precisely, interfering in the learning principles of one's daughter-in-law or son-in-law, or even criticizing them, is very rarely a good idea. At this period of your children's married life that no longer concerns you, it is indeed the last thing to do.
You raised your own children as you saw fit. It's your turn to give up your role as a parent to confine yourself to the sole role of grandparent without being intrusive and invasive. There is a good chance, in fact, that your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law does not have the same educational principles as you, in agreement with her spouse, and that your stepchildren will quickly become unbearable! So let go and take full advantage of your grandparent status, which is not made to raise your daughter's or son's children, but to make the most of the good times with them.
