Numerous research works show that family secrets have consequences, not only on the behavior of the people who carry them, but also over time, from generation to generation, when they are not revealed. It is true that a family secret is not easy to tell because it most often relates to events condemned by society, or in any case its revelation can modify many things, positively or negatively, within of a family or relatives. Whenever a family secret is revealed, it must make sense.
Everyone has secrets. They even constitute a necessity to protect his inner life and consequently his social life. It is normal not to reveal all your intimacy to everyone.
Family secrets, on the other hand, refer to secrets that are heavy to bear, linked to situations most often that we have experienced as shameful and which are very difficult to reveal. This is why family secrets most of the time go hand in hand with a feeling of guilt. They cause suffering for the person who carries this type of secret. These painful unspoken words also sometimes result in dangerous behavior such as addiction to alcohol or drugs, or symptoms revealed by the body (behavioral disorders, anorexia, obesity, etc.).
Even if family secrets are well buried in essence, they are felt in the behavior of those who carry them. Anxieties, gestures, silences, etc., can reveal heavy secrets that are too difficult to reveal because they can have very important consequences, especially on family life.
Family secrets affect different areas but most often related to morals, death, illness, parentage, trauma, or even related to moments in the history of society (war, deportation, etc.). Generally, events morally condemned by society.
Not revealing to a child that he was adopted, that he is the result of rape, that his father is not his biological father, for example, very often constitute family secrets which, sometimes, can be perpetuated from generation to generation when these unspoken things are not brought to light.
A family secret does not reveal itself just anyhow. First of all, the person or persons who bear a serious unsaid must feel ready to bring it to the attention of their loved ones.
A family secret should not be revealed point blank to relatives for whom this revelation will necessarily have important, and sometimes painful, consequences. It is necessary to think carefully beforehand about how to announce things and to measure the possible effects on your future relationships with the people who will learn this secret and who are necessarily concerned.
The temptation can be great to reveal a family secret before dying, on the one hand to free oneself and, on the other hand, not to leave leaving behind unspoken things that are too heavy to bear and which unconsciously pass on from generation to generation.
Whenever a person decides to reveal a family secret, they must be well prepared and, above all, they must feel that the relatives who are going to be informed are ready to hear this revelation. In any case, bringing a family secret to light must have meaning at the time it is revealed.
Faced with the difficulty of revealing a family secret, whether on one's deathbed or earlier in life, those who wish to confess have every interest in seeking the help of a professional such as a psychiatrist or a psychologist to prepare as well as possible to say hidden things which can be very painful, and learn to use the right words vis-à-vis those close to you who will discover a truth that has been hidden for a long time, and which often explains behaviors and situations experienced.
