All together at a nicely set table, the Christmas tree is shining beautifully, a nice fire is burning in the fireplace and in the background we hear sky radio playing Christmas songs. There are presents under the tree and everyone has put on their best clothes. While enjoying a glass of wine, we toast to a beautiful year and to each other. So far the ideal picture. Meanwhile, the oven potatoes are burned, you hear 'Flappie' for the umpteenth time, there is cork in the wine and there is a silent quarrel between the spouses. Christmas with the in-laws.
In so many families it is the same song every year. It starts when you start dating and it never ends. With whom do you celebrate Christmas Day, with whom second? Back then it was actually easy. Because once you have a family, you would prefer to celebrate Christmas at home, sitting at that beautifully set table with your own family. At Christmas we are torn by emotions and choices we have to make. Add to that a difficult relationship with your own family or in-laws and the Christmas feeling is definitely gone. Is Christmas with the in-laws now heaven or hell? Marieke asked her friends.
A round of friends yields a few good and less good options.
Girlfriend 1 celebrates Christmas with her husband and child, she says. Her in-laws don't celebrate Christmas and she doesn't feel like being in her own family. For her, this attitude may be the easiest way to celebrate Christmas. But somehow it's bound to hurt her. Precisely because Christmas is a family celebration, I think.
Girlfriend 2 is on the hunt for a good excuse to avoid Christmas with the in-laws. She decides to book a holiday park with her own parents and family. Far away, so that she can't come back or have to invite her in-laws. This, of course, much to her mother-in-law's chagrin, so that the relationship that was already bad has now completely sunk to below freezing point. That promises something for the coming years there!
Girlfriend 3 patiently undergoes her fate and ensures that she looks neat, has a good time and does not have to bring or make anything. She joins in 'happy' and makes sure everyone is having a good time. Without stress, but whether she likes it is another matter. As she herself says:it's only 2 days! Which, of course, she's right about.
And then there are the families in which one person absolutely does not want to celebrate Christmas and the other finds it so cozy. I also have one here with a great aversion to everything that has to be 'obligatory fun'. I'm jealous of those people who let things go for Christmas. Just book a holiday every year during the Christmas season and celebrate Christmas there. They probably don't even have to cook for themselves and because they have been doing it for years, no one minds that they are not there during Christmas.
Of course I can also book a holiday, no problem, only I have a kind of "duty" to my parents. Because at Christmas you are together. Immediately the sense of duty to my in-laws comes into play. Because when I'm with my parents, I have to be there too. Fair is fair!
And they already see me coming. When I say after years that we are going on holiday, I have the dolls dancing.
My solution:give, take and be honest. If your parents want you to come, just go. And do your in-laws also want you to be present? That shouldn't be a problem either. Then make sure that you go to brunch with one family and eat well with the other family. And because you have everything planned in one day, you have the Boxing Day to relax. That's your right! And if you're honest with that, everyone will probably want to make some arrangements to make the party go smoothly.
Because that is actually the Christmas thought, that you are willing to do something for each other?
Thanks to Marieke, who has described for us how she (and her friends) spend and experience Christmas. How do you feel about Christmas with the in-laws?
