Women and self-gratification. It is a subject that is not just discussed over a cup of coffee, but of course that does not mean that it is not thought about or that it does not happen. In 2021 we can say that we know that it is very normal to indulge in self-gratification. And yet it is not always talked about normally. In fact, it is still taboo, even though there are plenty of TV programs that try to pay full attention to this. And then we're talking about self-gratification and women, let alone girls.
Yet there comes a time when our daughters also discover themselves and may have questions about it. One earlier than the other. How do you deal with this subject? Do you discuss it yourself or do you wait for your daughter (or son) to start discussing this yourself?
I am quite open about topics related to sex education myself. And what I find so funny is that our daughter also asks very open questions about this. Not long ago, for example, there had been a conversation at school between her and some classmates, following a statement by the teacher. There were topics discussed - especially by a few boys - that she herself knew nothing about. That afternoon she came to ask me what that meant exactly.
I like that. That she dares to ask such open questions about this. I will therefore not think of responding to this in a special way. I just talk about it and explain everything. As far as I know myself, huh . And so I will also talk to her about self-gratification in women (and self-gratification in girls) if she has questions about it. But I don't know yet whether I'll just bring the subject up to her out of the blue.
Maybe if a situation arises where it fits, but I won't just drop it, not that. Not because I think it's akward, but rather because I think she should really be ready for it herself and that I want to assess that carefully. What I certainly do not want is that she walks around the schoolyard with questions while classmates know what they are talking about, that seems to give me a very insecure feeling.
I don't have the same experience with this at home. I had to discover everything myself and did not really have to go to my parents with questions about vibrators, for example. I also found it very uncomfortable to talk to them about it. Perhaps a generation difference or simply 'another time' when these kinds of topics were even less easily discussed.
If you find it difficult to talk about this, there are of course other options for discussing the subject. For example, a while back I received the book Sex Safe by Faya Lourens. A book that makes all topics negotiable for today's youth. No silly and complicated explanation, but just say what it is. The book was written by Faya in collaboration with a psychologist, a sexologist and a youth coach. Specifically tailored to the target group; namely young boys and girls who have many questions about sexuality, including self-gratification. But topics such as social media, sexting and abuse are also addressed in a clear manner.
After all, the most important thing is that our children feel comfortable with themselves and with their feelings. And 'learned young is done old' also applies here as far as I'm concerned. Self-gratification in women only becomes more pleasant and comfortable if this topic is open to discussion at all times, even if they are only girls.
