More and more often I ask myself:is society setting too high standards for mothers? Ideally, a mother should work (full-time), have the children raised perfectly and the house should be a picture. Of course everything has to be combined with a social life and preferably also enough me-time. unreal? Not if you ask society.
When I scroll through the different facebook groups it seems like every mother is a perfect centipede. A house that seems to come straight out of a catalog, whether or not combined with many DIY projects. Always clean and tidy, because that's how we like it. Mother works at least part-time, but often full-time as well. In addition, mother also keeps a blog, vlog or both if possible.
Of course, things cannot go wrong on a social level either:so girlfriends' days are regularly organized. Child-free days should not be missed in order to maintain the relationship with the partner. And so it can happen that mother takes a weekend break with love, while the children are staying with grandma and grandpa.
But it doesn't stop there:the children are dressed in the most fantastic clothes and always look like they are modeling for a catalog. An ordinary lunch box is no longer sufficient, let alone a simple piece of fruit for school. Not to mention the surprises for Sinterklaas.
Healthy and mindful eating has been all the rage for years, so mom is responding to this. The most fantastic creations and meals are put on the table. The photos fit perfectly in a food magazine and make your mouth water in advance.
In addition, a mother's body should preferably be completely taut again within a month after birth. So in addition to enjoying the little one, mother can go straight to work to work on her condition and appearance.
When I see all these pictures and imagine this mother's life, I wonder if this is really the life these women envisioned? Do they have a 48-hour day at their disposal, unlike me? Or does society place too high demands on mothers and nobody wants to be inferior to the other?
Today's society would prefer as many women (mothers) as possible to work. Not working can have financial consequences. Moreover, it has become so ingrained that women who do not work are almost labeled as abnormal. Incidentally, this also applies to women who work freelance or work from home (for example with a blog or vlog). The result is that mothers (out of necessity) have a job.
You are not only a mother, but also a partner and individual. This is made clear to you every time on social media. The pressure to maintain contact with friends is great. The partner also needs undivided attention from you as a mother. Moreover, you are not allowed to pass yourself by, so me-time is a must. You must of course be able to combine all this with your work and all other activities.
Another common requirement of this society:having a child is okay, but make sure that you have a toned body again in no time. The fitness hype has gone completely, as well as superfoods and healthy food and mother should not be left behind. So in addition to the household, social life, the children, etc., mother also has to work on her appearance.
Only the very best is good enough for your family, so when you're at home you make sure you have a perfect house. Cleaning and a decor that allows you to be seen are a must. A regular stew is possible, but make sure you vary enough. You prefer to introduce your children to the most exotic dishes, served in a creative way.
No uniforms are worn at school, so the children are dressed according to the latest trends. Society expects this from you as a mother. Lunches like a simple sandwich are not only boring, but also show that you as a mother are not creative. So you get to work and your child will receive the most beautiful creations. Of course every day different and above all varied.
Is it any wonder that more and more mothers are getting stressed or burn out? The figures show that 10 in 1000 women report to their GP with signs of being overwrought or starting burnout. Please note:these are by no means the actual figures, because not everything is passed on.
Why does society place too high demands on mothers? Why is it not possible as a mother to simply enjoy your child(ren)? In my opinion, mothers with young children in particular should pay less attention to the demands of society.
You are only there once. Your day only has 24 hours (to my knowledge). Enjoy your children, your partner and just leave your household for once. Real friends don't run away and you can keep in touch in other ways too. A stew, regular spaghetti or once a frozen meal are really no disaster. Is your house not a showroom? What does it matter? You live there together with your child(ren) and partner.
To start with, I don't like the too high demands society places on me as a mother. My first priority is my family and how good we feel about everything. Despite the fact that I became a mother at a young age, I consciously chose to be a full-time mother. No, we didn't have a lot of money with one salary, but we and the kids were never short of anything. It was enough in itself to save and go away every now and then.
The children are now teenagers and I have been blogging for a few years now (this is my newest blog, but I started on Plazilla.nl years ago and later on www.zelfmakentips.nl). I also work from home as a copywriter, so I can determine my own working hours.
Pets have always lived in our house next to my husband and two children. So I can't turn it into a showroom and I don't plan to. My house should be a home where everyone is welcome, without having to worry about my expensive sofa being damaged or my exclusive candlestick falling. Are (small) children coming by? No problem:have fun playing, you can always clean up afterwards.
Of course I keep my house clean (according to some I don't have a job after all) and I spoil my family with delicious and above all healthy food. Is this served like in a restaurant? Sorry, no, that's impossible. Especially when you see the portions that my husband and son eat. By the way, my husband is a culinary goof, so I'm not going to waste time on it 😉
Fortunately, a few years ago it was not a must to send your children to school with an extraordinary lunch box. I am creative, but I don't like to do something because it is necessary or required. My children have always been given well-filled and healthy drums and have never been short of anything.
With two stubborn teenagers in the house, one of which is a fashion and trend-conscious daughter, they choose their own clothes. It used to be different. I didn't think branded clothing was necessary, because before you know it they have outgrown it and you have spent tons of money on new clothing. So I sent them to school in comfortable and neat clothes. Not according to the latest trends, but neat and fun.
Weekends away? Fun, but with my kids there. When they are in bed I still have enough time for my husband or some me-time. Family, friends and acquaintances are great, but my family comes first. Can we do something together? Then please. Otherwise leave it be. (Note:that does not mean that I never go anywhere alone or that I live in isolation).
As you can see I live differently than society expects of me. Am I now a failure as a mother? Or in the end it doesn't matter and what matters is that I feel good about it and. That my family is happy and my children will end up well?
How are you? Are you driven by the too high demands society places on you as a mother? Or would you rather go your own way, in your own way and pace? Let me know!
