Discrimination is still a major problem in the 21st century. Unfortunately, many children also have to deal with this. The impact on a child, both in the short and long term, is still too often underestimated. Discrimination:The impact on a child is based on my own experience. Both I and my children have had to deal with discrimination and all its consequences.
If we let Google go, we see that discrimination is described as:'Distinguishing between people and groups, based on characteristics such as origin, race, religion, sexual orientation, age, etc. Discrimination can be illegal because it goes against the fundamental principle that all people are equal.”
To be honest, I don't really know why people are discriminated against. I do know that parents often set a bad example in this. And as the saying goes:learned young, done old. The idea that someone is superior to another person plays a major role in discrimination. Being unfamiliar with other people's customs and culture can also result in discrimination.
It is the fear of the unknown that can consciously or unconsciously lead to discrimination. Discrimination can seem harmless, but it can also be or become disproportionate and control large groups. In the long run, this can lead to fierce fighting and even war.
It was in the late 1980s when my parents decided to emigrate from Germany to the Netherlands. Growing up in the countryside, I found it an exciting adventure to live not only in a new country, but also in a city. We eventually settled in The Hague and my new life as a 10-year-old German child could start in a new country.
In order to integrate as quickly as possible, my parents registered me at a Dutch primary school. Since we didn't speak the language, it was decided to have me repeat the fourth grade in the Dutch school system. Enthusiastic as I was, I threw myself into learning the language and it worked out nicely. Within a month I was able to follow the regular classes.
At the end of the school year I could call myself the best student in school. This applied to all subjects, including Dutch. I mastered the language and all the language rules better than the children who had grown up here. Until then nothing was wrong, I felt good, was happy and thought I was just accepted. Especially because from day 1 there were always children on our doorstep to play with me.
Unfortunately, this was short-lived. Our school was too small and had to merge. Then the problems started and I was confronted with discrimination. From muff to k…whore and I know it all. The most nasty names came forward. I was locked out (not very useful if you are in a mixed class of 18 or fewer students) and suddenly I didn't like school so much anymore.
Things got a little better in high school, although you could still hear grumbling about that muff. Fortunately, I saw then that I was not the only one who had to deal with discrimination. Children of immigrant parents were often discriminated against, even though our school did everything it could to prevent this.
Once I left school I had the expectation that discrimination would be over. What illusion and gullibility! I soon learned that discrimination affects all ages. My husband's grandparents were not happy to have a German in the family to say the least. The man who took my driving test looked at my passport and with the ominous question:'Oh, you are German' the chance of passing was 0%. Indeed, I had failed my driver's license and that while I had just driven perfectly.
Once I had exchanged the passport, there were other moments that came my way when I had to deal with discrimination. For example about the fact that I am a woman. Or that I was a teenage mother (and in the eyes of many not suitable to have and raise a child so young).
How I wish I could have spared my children the pain I was going through. Maybe in retrospect it was a less good decision to emigrate with my children, I don't know. The fact is that my children have also been confronted with discrimination.
We emigrated to Suriname in 2004 as a young, white family. This was no problem for us and the children had no problem with it either. Of course you stand out, but the people seemed so friendly and nice.
Unfortunately, appearances can be deceiving and it didn't take very long before my children had to deal with discrimination. And then I'm not really talking about discrimination by children in the first place. Preschoolers generally accept each other well, regardless of color, culture and background. The change came in primary school, where it was the teachers and parents who pointed out to their children that my children were different.
Unfortunately, that went from bad to worse and for my son it got so out of hand that we had to take him out of school out of self-protection. The next school was also not a good choice and only after the intervention of the ministry he was able to finish his primary school elsewhere. Not that everything ran smoothly then, but discrimination remained limited.
How different it was for my daughter. She was always the quiet (and strong) one and never showed that she suffered from discrimination and bullying. We only found out about this a few years ago, when she went to secondary school.
Of course, all these experiences have not left us in the cold. Although I have a strong personality, I sometimes still find it quite painful how I was treated as a child. I wasn't raised that way and never looked at anyone's color or circumstances. My circle of friends was always a mix of the most diverse colors and nationalities. I still have a colorful family and I am proud of that.
Through it all I can only say that the impact of everything on me has worn off over the years. I won't forget, but the pain of the moment is behind me. It says a lot more about the character of the people who discriminated against me than it does about myself. Is the discrimination over? No, because as a white person among Surinamese you continue to stand out, but I don't care about it myself. Too bad if you treat me differently, but again:that's your problem!
I wish this applied to my kids too. The impact on my children is a lot bigger. They often no longer feel welcome and find it painful. As a mother, I also see that it has an impact on the self-confidence of my children. The things they experienced are far from being forgotten.
Talking about it is difficult. Finding your own identity after all the discrimination is difficult, because you know that there are groups that will not accept you no matter how hard you try. Gone is the open-mindedness to treat everyone as an equal. Distrust of people has taken its place.
Time will tell if my children can accommodate what happened. I can only hope that they behave differently towards others.
Incidentally, it is not only discrimination that has a huge impact on a child. Even excluding children just like that makes an impact. Unfortunately, this mother knows all about it, because her son is locked out.
Wouldn't it be nice if discrimination were abolished? Children can then grow up without prejudice, without putting each other in a corner, in complete freedom, just as a child. Regardless of the color and (cultural) background.
At the moment it remains a dream, a utopia and any child confronted with discrimination will have to grow out of it. Yet it remains something that will always play a role in life. Maybe not in the foreground, but the thought that someone won't accept you because of your color or background will always be there.
The video below makes it clear once again why discrimination actually makes no sense, because you often have much more in common with the other person than you think.
Have you ever experienced discrimination? Have your children ever been discriminated against? How do you deal with this?
