Today I received a press release from Smartphonehoesjes.nl about an investigation into checking your partner's phone. The survey itself was conducted among nearly a thousand respondents and actually immediately caught my attention because the subject is quite controversial. Because regardless of the results of the survey, in which more than 85% of the men and women indicate that they think their partner does not mind if they check their telephone, it turns out to be different in reality.
And now I'm curious about how our readers (yes you!) feel about this. Do you think your partner has a problem with you checking their phone? And vice versa? Do you have problems with your partner checking your phone?
Let's take a step back first. Why do you feel the urge to check your partner's phone? Isn't that question much more important to ask? Because checking the phone - and that mainly concerns apps and social media activities - says something about the trust between you and your partner. Admittedly, now that your partner probably also works from home more, it may be more attractive to look into the phone than if your partner just goes to work every day. And if you know that men lie more often than maybe at all. That smartphone is actually staring at you all day long. But then again… if you really can't resist the urge to dive into your partner's cell phone, it sounds to me like there's no trust.
And before you think I'm a saint…. no way. I've done it in the past because of bad experiences in a previous relationship. Twice I have been cheated in the past by ex-partners. That makes you suspicious, even in a new relationship. And the latter in turn makes you feel the need to check your partner's phone. Just to be sure.
But to say that it brings relief? New. It really just creates stress. And it already shows very clearly what your relationship is like. There is no basis of trust and you look for confirmation in the mistrust you feel. And if you eventually find something when checking your partner's cellphone, you'll feel completely miserable. But don't you find anything? Then a sense of shame sets in. Because even though 'we' mainly think that checking your partner's phone shouldn't be a problem, we also think it's a violation of privacy.
Because turn the situation around. What if your partner checks your phone? Do you not mind that at all? Somehow I think you are thinking to yourself 'Wait a minute, that's my phone!'. And don't you also get the feeling that your partner doesn't trust you when you find out that he is secretly checking your phone? Doesn't seem like a good feeling to me either.
In fact, it's just disastrous for your relationship. Unsolicited checking of your partner's phone. Whether you do it or he does. And whether it ultimately results in finding 'something' or not. It does not matter. Checking his or her cell phone is stressful. Tension that you should avoid in your relationship. So talk to your partner about it if you feel the urge to do this. Try to improve your relationship by being open in what you think and feel. And in this way start a conversation with your partner.
And do you have a partner who is rather suspicious of nature, which makes you feel like you have to give up privacy? Maybe you should take a look at flip cases as a smartphone case instead of such an iPhone SE (2020) case or other case where your mobile is simply open and exposed. Unexpected apps that come in can then just be seen. And with a flip case, they also stay hidden 😉 .
No, no kidding. The most important thing is that you both feel safe in your relationship. And that feeling of security also means that you should be able to discuss where your limits are. So forgo the apps like mSpy and GuestSpy to check messages from your partner and talk to each other. Do those conversations always go wrong? Then you can ask yourself whether your partner is the right one for you.
