Composite families, it may all look equally nice at first glance, but -if that is the case at all- it often does not come naturally. Composite families often have to work really hard to create a good foundation for all parties. First the definition of a blended family; this is a family in which both parents 'bring in' one or more children from a previous relationship.
Relationships are often more difficult in composite families than in so-called 'nuclear families'. Not strange in itself, of course. In a nuclear family, the family members have grown up together and have discovered certain quirks and inconsistencies in each other. That has been given time and is accepted from each other. This while in a family a little later the characters are suddenly added together. So are the special traits that people can have. If you do not have a biological bond with each other, it takes a lot of time and energy to complete acceptance. Which of course doesn't mean you can't work it out together!
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Blended families, especially newly blended families, have their own specific dynamics. It turns out that two-thirds of blended families split up again within a few years. With the right guidance for the family to go through family formation properly, living together can go very well. Much can be learned from the situations that arise. Precisely also by contributing the differences and accepting them from each other. But that is of course easier said than done. Can a blended family manage to do this? Then this ultimately has a valuable added value!
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Such a process takes time. It turns out that when two families merge, it takes about 3 to sometimes 6 years. So persevere. Only then will a pleasant balance be experienced by all parties. Besides time, it also takes energy and commitment to achieve this. In some situations this happens 'by itself', but in many cases guidance from a professional outside the family is not an unnecessary luxury.
His strength probably lies in approaching the situation realistically. Remember, there really isn't a real family anymore. It is a combination of two families, of which the adults 'coincidentally' have decided that they like each other and would like to move on. The question is whether this also applies to the children.
In addition, it is also the case that the butterflies in the adults can sometimes create a somewhat rosy impression of the new situation. See for yourself how you feel when you are in love. That pink cloud can't break anymore. The parents of blended families also often feel this way. But the rest of that blended family often doesn't feel this, and still have to go along with the situation. If you, as a parent, are in a position to put those butterflies 'to the side' and look at them realistically with the children, then you build a healthy foundation. The battle is not yet won, but you do make a clean start.
Do not forget that. If both biological parents are still alive, they are often the joint educators. Even if they no longer live together. As a new partner, that is sometimes difficult. If you can accept this and add something to the relationship with the child, without trying to replace the biological parent, then you have found the right basis.
Would you like to know more about blended families and the problems that children especially encounter? I found a nice article in which striking situations are described that make you think.
