Arranging guardianship for your children. Very important, but there are many parents who have not yet arranged this (properly). And I have to admit with shame on my cheeks that we too belong to them. Of course we did talk about it, about arranging custody. And we have already made statements about it to each other. During an evening together, with a good glass of wine. In fact, after a while of arguing, we agreed on who would get custody if something unexpected happened to us. We have even discussed it -I believe- with the person in question, but I am not completely sure.
And now that I am confronted with this because of a campaign, I am actually quite shocked. How stupid can you be not to settle for the most important thing in your life? Your children! Of course we all hope to see our children grow up, but unfortunately not everyone is given that.
Curious as I am, I also wanted to know how our readers approached this, so we did a little research on Facebook. About 60 - mostly mothers - participated.
Table of contents
But before I move on to the results of the study, I first want to mention the difference between custody and guardianship. Normally, both parents (when they are alive) have custody of their children, unless this has been determined otherwise due to certain issues. Watch out; this authority is only automatically arranged for the father if there is a marriage or registered partnership at the birth of the child. Otherwise, the father must first acknowledge the child. If one of the parents dies, parental authority automatically transfers to the other parent.
A guardian is someone who acts in the best interests of the child when both parents are unable to exercise custody of their child. For example, in the event of the death of both parents.
Note:If a 1-parent parental authority applies and the parent concerned dies, the other parent can still apply for parental authority. Even if a guardian was appointed by the authoritative parent before death or there was joint custody with the partner of the deceased parent (being not a parent). It is up to the judge to decide in this case. However, the latter may only appoint another person as guardian if this is in the best interests of the child. Incidentally, the other biological parent must submit a request for custody within one year after the death of the first parent. Otherwise, the preferred position of the parent concerned will expire.
Of the 60 responses we received, 37 mothers indicated that they have arranged custody, which is almost 62%. Personally, I think that percentage is just meager, don't you? The mothers who indicate that they have not yet got around to arranging custody are all aware of its importance. Reasons for not (yet) recording guardianship include:
Of the 62% who indicate that they have recorded it, however, it appears that 22% did discuss this, but only orally. So there is nothing in writing with them yet. A bit like with us.
Fortunately, the other 78% did record it. And everyone does that in their own way. One has it included in his will at the notary and the other uses the custody register on Rechtspraak.nl.
In addition to the question about arranging the guardianship and recording it, I also asked who they 'chosen' as guardian. A number of responses were not clear in this regard (34%). In 58% of the records, the designated guardian turns out to be a family member. Only in 8% of the cases are friends appointed as guardians for the children. One of the comments even shows that an earlier recording of friends as guardians in the will has been reversed. This is because of a divorce and the cooling of the friendship in question. In addition, the questioned friends often state that they decide where the children will go. For example to prevent 'tug-of-war' between the grandfathers and grandmothers.
Siblings are the most requested when arranging guardianship and in some cases it is a grandfather or grandmother who is appointed as guardian.
It is striking that a number of readers consciously choose to appoint a financial guardian separately, separately from ordinary guardianship. Personally, I hadn't thought about this piece before, but maybe it's very smart to separate the financial side when arranging custody. This is to ensure that there is no conflict of interest and that all parties remain involved.
Well, those are the results of the study. Now on to the facts.
First of all, briefly why it is smart to arrange guardianship, in addition to possibly arranging your farewell. If both parents die before a child is 18 years old, a guardian will have to be appointed for the minor. If you have not discussed and recorded this yourself, the judge will appoint a guardian and of course there is a chance that the result would not have been your choice.
You can arrange guardianship for your children in writing in 2 ways. It is not possible to arrange guardianship orally, this is not legally valid. If there is nothing on paper, the judge will decide (after hearing from the families in question) about guardianship.
Tip:By the way, did you know that a guardian does not have to assume guardianship? It is therefore always useful to appoint a reserve guardian.
Note:It is also good to decide whether you choose one or 2 guardians. This has financial consequences (see the section on 'you are a guardian'). But it is also true that the surviving guardian bears the responsibility for your children. So suppose you ask your sister and her husband and your sister also dies at some point… then her husband is responsible. Do you want that? It is often advised to only appoint the immediate family member as guardian.
Of course you can arrange the guardianship at the notary and have it included in your will. This possibility is well known to many people.
Disadvantage: there are costs associated with recording at the notary. This can differ per notary, but you will soon have to count on a few hundred euros for drawing up a deed.
Advantage: your choice of guardianship remains private until the will is actually opened. Only then do other attendees hear about your wishes and then the notary also has a confidentiality statement. A second advantage - perhaps even more important - is that you can record specific wishes with the notary when arranging guardianship. For example, you can make statements about the desired upbringing, the type of school or something related to religion.
For many people, recording at the notary often has a threshold. Whether financially or not. Fortunately, nowadays you also have the option to arrange custody in a simple way. Namely online! This is possible in the custody register.
Disadvantage: the authority register is public. This means that anyone can request how guardianship is arranged. In addition, you cannot include details in this register.
Advantage: it is arranged within a maximum of two weeks (often within a few days) and it costs nothing.
Why this whole custody story now? Nothing is more annoying than not knowing what will happen to your minor children when you die. Imagine that both grandfathers and grandmothers are still alive and that you as parents unexpectedly die. If you haven't arranged custody, the judge will decide what's best. But is that what you had in mind? In some cases, he can even decide that your children come under the guardianship of the Youth Protection Foundation.
And what do you think of this? Have you ever thought about what could happen to the mutual relationship of, for example, the grandparents? What if there is a dispute about custody? Or about the way of parenting? Then your children - often unintentionally - will always be the victims.
Or imagine that you have verbally discussed how you want to arrange custody, but have not recorded it? Then this is not legally valid! Even if your brother or sister knows about it and they would like to act as guardian, the grandparents can still be given guardianship, for example. It is therefore always advisable to discuss and record the guardianship properly. This way, this can never 'just' become an issue and come between the two families.
By now you will understand that I am captivated by this subject and that we are now going to record it immediately. Personally, I choose the custody register, but I still have to discuss this with Frank 😉 . But we will arrange it.
I also dived into the financial part about arranging guardianship. This is in response to questions from our readers. If you accept guardianship, rights and obligations are also involved. It's like this:
In this case, you are responsible for the care and upbringing of the minor child. You are not obliged to do this yourself, but a child could also go to a home. As a guardian, however, you remain responsible for the well-being of the child. Incidentally, the assets of the child (the inheritance) may be used to provide the child with livelihood.
This can be with your partner, but also with another designated guardian. In this case you are obliged to care for, raise and maintain the child. The latter is an essential difference with sole guardianship. You are therefore not allowed to 'outsource' the child. In addition, you also have to provide for the cost of living together. You function as a family and you are not allowed to use the inheritance of the child for living expenses. In addition to being a guardian, you can also manage the child's assets.
For both guardianships, the sub-district court oversees the way in which the assets are managed and that they must be involved in some decisions. Furthermore, in both cases, the child is entitled to an orphan's benefit and the guardian is entitled to child benefit.
