Children are not puppies. You cannot train them. Well educate. According to the Taskforce Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse, parents must follow a mandatory parenting course. This would reduce the high number of child abuse in the Netherlands. The words mandatory and parenting course make me itching spontaneously.
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I find it terrible that far too many children in the Netherlands are victims of child abuse. Blogger Marjolijn wrote an article about it earlier this week, which I fully support. I just don't think that this suffering can be alleviated by a compulsory parenting course. In fact, I think it might actually make the problem worse.
There is a good chance that the compulsory parenting courses are based on the Triple P method, also known as Positive Parenting, as is already happening in youth care. And I have my doubts about that method.
An example, the method is based on rewarding desirable behavior in children and ignoring undesirable behavior. Also in young children. Letting a baby cry, for example, fits very well within the method. And that is where neglect lies. Something the task force wants to combat child abuse.
Carine Kielstra, director of the company Triple P that provides parenting courses, believes that every parent should follow a compulsory parenting course. Because she says in an interview with NOS:“You would also think that everyone can raise a dog, but everyone still goes to the puppy course. Why should we all be able to raise children?”
Because children are not puppies. They usually don't respond to commands like 'sit'. They are very good at deciding for themselves what they do and don't want to do. It is up to parents to set limits and to help children to stay within those limits as much as possible. So educate. Do not train.
You don't learn that in a course of a few meetings. You do this in the first place with a lot of love and from your feeling. With trial and error. Making mistakes and learning from them.
Every child is different and unique. There is no standard step-by-step plan or a Triple P method. I am blessed with temperamental children. Ignore unwanted behavior? No getting started. And what exactly is unwanted? What is undesirable behavior according to a parenting course, I may not even find such a point. I learned how to deal with them by listening to my gut, but also by reading a lot about dealing with temperamental children. I wrote a blog about it for a reason.
Parenting methods are as different from each other as people are. What suits me may not suit you. And one day it works to be strict, while another situation calls for a different approach. One child benefits from clear boundaries, a lot of structure and regularity, while another child benefits from a lot of freedom to make choices.
I think a compulsory parenting course is a bad idea. Wasted money. We would be better off putting that into really tackling parents who are guilty of child abuse. Helping the victims. Just like puppies, they have the right to a warm and loving home.
What do you think of a compulsory parenting course for young parents? Good idea or not?
tip:you can order the book 'temperamental children' that I talked about above online.
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