I actually think it's an impertinent question... 'should we do CPR'? Even though I understand where it comes from and I also understand that they ask my father that question now that he has been admitted urgently because the pain is no longer bearable. But it still comes very hard when they ask this. And especially if the treating lung specialist lists all the disadvantages of resuscitation in order to clearly indicate what the risks are for him if he does opt for resuscitation ...
After weeks of messing around with the GP, replacement doctors and an emergency doctor, the time has finally come. Morphine plasters and a pile of other medicines don't seem to do their job, Dad has been straining for weeks from the pain in his back. For months actually, but the last few weeks the pain seems to break through. Can't be had and can't be controlled anymore.
Yesterday finally the redeeming message came that the hospital wanted to see him -immediately- to examine him. And how nice it is when you are with four children, all four are equally involved, and he can be brought in in no time.
He is 86 years old, my sweet, tough daddy. And actually he already lives a kind of 'on the receipt' as his pulmonologist calls it. Lung cancer was diagnosed more than seven years ago. He has overcome it. The colon cancer that reared its head a few years later has also been tackled. A year ago, however, another tumor was discovered. It was decided to wait and see what this one would do, because dad got so sick from the chemo last time. And he is also at peace with 'being allowed' to go to mom. But the CPR question continues to hit hard. Maybe not really for him, but for us.
The pulmonologist already indicated that someone in Dad's situation would normally no longer be resuscitated in intensive care. And secretly I also think that he doesn't necessarily need it anymore. Yet. He was clear yesterday that he no longer sees all the disadvantages and risks of resuscitation that the doctor has indicated to him. The disadvantages, incidentally, are listed by his own pulmonologist. The doctor who discussed the resuscitation with Dad before that was not so firm in naming the disadvantages. At that time, Dad (I think) wasn't adamant about not wanting to be resuscitated either. After hearing about the possible risks, yes.
I totally get it. I was not part of the conversation about the disadvantages of CPR and I can't really judge how something like this must come across when you hear this about yourself. And don't get me wrong… I think it's really good that this is being discussed. But I still find it hard to hear. Perhaps also because it comes so close and it scares you because he is suddenly included. As if the chance of a possible resuscitation is suddenly higher than a day ago. Which, incidentally, turns out not to be the case.
But what I like most is that the studies quickly identify the cause. That the pain team at the hospital can finally help him get through his time here without too much pain. And that he can quickly go to his own familiar home, surrounded by his children.
Love you daddy xxx
