Grieving for a loved one is a delicate and painful process. The Covid-19 pandemic is disrupting this process all the more, and thousands of people have had to face their suffering, isolated and without community support. How to overcome this ordeal? When and from whom to seek help? Explanations.
Grieving is a psychological process that occurs when we are confronted with the death of a person. The person who finds himself in this situation feels many emotions, such as injustice, sadness or anger. His behavior changes depending on his emotions. Grieving is a natural process, which aims to help the person live with this irreparable loss. The bereaved person is different on a behavioral, cognitive and socio-cultural level. She may, for example, have suicidal thoughts, with the desire to join the deceased. She may also blame herself for the death of her loved one, feel guilty or lock herself in her home for long periods of time.
However, there are 7 different stages, which generally make it possible to know if the period of mourning is well underway or if it is only just beginning. These steps are more or less long depending on the individual.
This stage, also called stupefaction, consists of a state of amazement at the announcement of the loss. The individual is then unable to realize that the person is indeed dead. This phase is fast, however it can be longer for others.
The bereaved person refuses to believe, or see, the announcement of the loss, which often leads them to challenge or even reject the information. This phase plunges the person into a kind of numbness that prepares them to face the truth about the death of the missing person. During this phase, the person isolates themselves from their family and friends, and implements an avoidance strategy so as not to be confronted with the reality of death. She can act like everything is fine and not let anything show.
The person who is angry will often have an aggressive attitude towards themselves or those around them. This stage is often accompanied by thoughts that make her believe that if she does a certain thing, the deceased person will return. This reaction is called haggling.
It is a stage marked by deep despair. The bereaved person has the impression of being carried away by a force more powerful than their own will. Sadness is synonymous with acceptance. It forces the bereaved to review their relationship with the deceased and to create a new one when the time comes.
This step is crucial because it prepares for healing. The mourner gives up the fight and hopes to find his life before. He lives one day after another.
The bereaved person finally accepts the loss of the deceased loved one and plans for the future. She allows herself to make new plans and see a future for herself.
This last stage of mourning is characterized by a reorganization of the rhythm of life so that the person relearns to live without the deceased.
It is not advisable to hide your emotions, so as not to let them take up too much space. Take care of yourself. Listening to yourself and taking into account your need for withdrawal is beneficial to take the next step. It is natural and healthy to cry and not want to leave the house. You can ask a loved one for help, join a support group or talk to a specialist doctor.
You can ask a loved one for help and support. It could be your spouse, a friend or a neighbour. In times of Covid, the use of digital means of communication, such as Skype and WhatsApp, has developed a lot and remains the most practical solution.
Join a support group. Some associations, such as Taming Absence, Living in Mourning, Dialogue &Solidarity or the Jonathan Pierres Vivantes National Association, have a listening line and/or offer discussion groups to break isolation.
Seeing a specialist can help overcome bereavement. The goal of therapy will be to open up and find a way to move on without being overwhelmed by grief. The patient will have a place to share their experience with the person and they can be listened to.
Celebrating death anniversaries:a good idea?
The loss of a loved one can create a feeling of emptiness. Often, the anniversary of death is a sensitive date for the bereaved. You may decide to commemorate the person's death anniversary by paying tribute to them. For example, you can have a mass said in their name, publish the date of the birthday in a local newspaper or organize a ceremony in a funeral home if the person was not a believer.
Some people have lost a loved one to Covid-19 almost overnight, without a possible farewell or moment of contemplation. The impossibility of seeing the body of the deceased, in certain situations, makes mourning all the more painful. However, to better accept the inevitable, the human being needs a moment to feel his sorrow in the presence of the deceased.
The global Covid-19 epidemic has upset the rituals linked to the death and burial of our societies. For funeral ceremonies, cemeteries have a limit of 30 people (including funeral directors) imposed. And in places of worship, between each person or family unit, two seats must remain free.
Faced with this situation, the bereaved had to find solutions to attend the funeral ceremony. It is the digital that has taken precedence over the face-to-face. If you cannot see the body of the deceased, do not hesitate to ask for help or talk about it and share your pain with one of the people present.
To overcome this ordeal, it is now more important than ever to ask for help. If the conditions have eased with the authorization to collect from now on with the body before the coffin, the trauma for some people is still very present.
Source:
2 Le Monde Newspaper:
https://www.lemonde.fr/planete/article/2020/12/29/une-deuxieme-vague-plus-meurtriere-que-la-premiere_6064736_3244.html
