Being yourself, how hard is that really? We live in a densely populated country. Almost everywhere you go, there are other people too. Are you always aware of these others around you? Or are you just doing your own thing and not paying attention to your surroundings? And when you feel the presence of these people, does that make you behave differently than you would if you were alone? And do you care a lot about the opinion of others? For example, do you base your choices on what (you think) others would do or like? And if you have a problem, do you discuss with others what to do with it? Or do you draw your own plan and can you really be yourself?
Table of Contents
Being yourself turns out to be much more complicated than expected. Not just for me, but for a lot of people. I have slowly grown into it.
As a child I always thought that everyone was watching me. I thought everyone around me saw exactly what I was doing, how I felt, and condemned all my stupidity. That made me feel insecure. I preferred to retreat to a corner so I wouldn't be noticed. I kept quiet (especially in a large group) in the background.
Read also: authentic motherhood
Fortunately, I always had enough friends. When I went to college after high school, a boy from my class chose the same study. During the study we spent a lot of time together. He told me that he was very happy when he heard that I was going to do the same study, because - despite my being so in the background - he thought I was a very sweet, relaxed girl. That was very good for me. I thought:'Then I won't come across as stupid after all!'.
I don't remember exactly how I found out, but somewhere in my teenage years I suddenly realized that my theory was completely wrong. Of course people don't pay attention to you all the time. ‘No, all those others, they were (just like me) mainly occupied with their own thoughts, feelings and insecurities. Being yourself wasn't an option for them either. They didn't have the time or energy to keep an eye on me all the time. This realization was very important to me. Suddenly I felt freer. Because if not everyone was watching me, it didn't matter at all if I did stupid things. They didn't see it anyway (always).
Yet I still do not feel completely free in a (particularly busy) environment. I'm still sensitive to that. Then I still feel quite small and insignificant. But I can now get rid of the thought that others will see that of me. No, they are really too busy with themselves and their own insecurity. I'm keeping it to myself now, that insecure feeling. And then it's perfectly doable.
Read also: self-acceptance, that's where it starts!
To what extent do you allow yourself to be influenced by others? Do you care a lot about what others will think? What others will not say about it (behind your back perhaps), what others will not say… well, fill it in yourself.
'What will they like…?', how often does this phrase run through our minds, through your mind? Being yourself is not an option at such a time. It is so very tiring and a waste of time to spend a lot of time on this. And most likely (yes, almost certainly) those others are not concerned with you at all, but the exact same thing also haunts their minds 'What will she think of me!'.
Thinking about what others will think of us limits our freedom to be (completely) ourselves. Because someone else is not you and therefore does not know what you want most. Only you know that. For example, I don't feel comfortable with too much make up, on high heels or with a chic handbag.
No, just put a little make up on me and preferably a brown color on my face in the summer. And put me down on sneakers and let me walk around with a sporty backpack. That's who I am! But, it's taken me a long time to give in to this, because I see too many women around me doing it differently. And, do they like me less now? I'm sure not, because now I can be myself, without too much uncertainty! And then, you really are the most appreciated. And you, to what extent are you really yourself?
Image used via Shutterstock
