A secret relationship, for years. Full of surprise I read last week the story of a woman who has known for fourteen years that her husband is cheating, but this man does not know that his wife knows this. This woman chooses to leave it that way and to play "make-up" for the rest of her life.
How intense that must be, right?! I can't imagine it. Well that people cheat, not that I approve of that but it happens (and more than we think). But that as a woman you can keep such peace and tranquility about you to just walk around with such a secret for the rest of your life and just take it for granted because you love this man and your family so much.
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This woman is in her 60s and her children have left home. Her husband often travels, but it never occurred to her that he would look for 'it' with someone else. To this day, she still does not know the answer to the – why – question. By chance she discovered the secret relationship through lipstick on her husband's collar (classic). She has been reading her husband's e-mail traffic with his secret relationship for several years now.
She decides she doesn't even want to know how and why and continues as if nothing is wrong. At least, from the outside, from the inside she regularly has unpleasant feelings. Yet she chooses not to give up her present life. She has been happy and never lacked anything. A reason for her not to suddenly put things in jeopardy.
Read also: Emotional infidelity can also cut in, even without actual cheating…
At the moment she notices everything. Stories that don't add up, receipts of an expensive dinner for two, not to mention overnight stays. Yet her husband's behavior towards her does not change, apparently he does not intend to leave his wife. One more reason for her to leave it at that.
She doesn't want to be without his company and believes she can't handle life without him. She doesn't want to be a divorcee and live in a small apartment. She also wants to offer the children a warm and safe home. They see their father and mother as the dream couple and as an example of how they want to do it themselves. She doesn't want to disturb that image. Let her life be based on a lie. It's the only life she knows and wants.
(source:Margriet)
I'm not sure whether I should call this woman brave or strong, or just cowardly with little self-respect? No one is the same of course, but if I look at myself I would have punched this man long ago and packed his things or just thrown them out 😉 .
Maybe it's easy for me to say, I'm neither of age nor have I been married for years to the man of my life. But I do have self respect. Not that it is always easy to choose for yourself. And not that I never lost myself despite my young age. Still, I don't believe that I could be happy with my life knowing that my husband has been living a double life for years and has a secret relationship.
Who are you kidding? Not only yourself, but in my eyes also the children. Sure you look like a fantastic example in this way, but inside you live with the fact that you are acting day in and day out. And what if they find out years later? How do they feel then? I don't mean that you should involve children in everything that is going on or happening in your life. But come on woman, we are independent and strong! If someone cannot go 100% for you, then there is someone else on this earth who can do it for you and whom you can love so much. However? In my view, cheating happens when something is missing in the relationship. What you cannot find in your own relationship, you will then look outside the door faster.
Read also: the aftermath of a broken relationship for you and your child
Research shows that, in principle, men only cheat for sex, versus women who almost only cheat when they don't feel loved in a relationship. Women cheat faster than men (!) and on average they also have more lovers. Furthermore, the men really win this test. No less than 52% seek adventures outside the door, with women this percentage is 39%.
Let's face it that in my eyes cheating is just as common as it used to be, only we didn't have access to the internet and mobile phones before.
Making contact is now a lot easier and we seem to have become a lot more accessible for a secret relationship ourselves. Our society is equipped with hundreds of dating sites and apps like tinder that you really don't have to knock on for a serious relationship.
Married and 'responsible' cheating? Try SecondLove.nl, cheating has never been so easy and anonymous.
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