Beyond the fields of grain, the sun sank to another part of the world. At least, I could have seen that if the tears hadn't dripped incessantly onto my lap. I really wanted to drive back hard. I had just taken my little girl to the carpool where she was riding with Grandpa for her weekly visitation sleepover. Part of my broken relationship.
She cried hard and heartbreakingly, "Mommy, I want to come with you!" Against every fiber of my body, I told her it was going to be great fun, laughing as bravely as I could at that moment. Inside I felt my heart break, but my words had an effect on her. She slowly calmed down and I left.
I couldn't help but feel. I wasn't allowed to go to court and keep her with me forever. However? Or was I still doing it wrong and should I listen to her? My thoughts raced in all directions during the drive back. All I could do was trust that inner voice that told me that one day she would resent me if I sabotaged the contact between her and her father in any way. And rightly so, I think now. As a toddler and later as a toddler, she was of course not yet able to make such drastic decisions.
Now that she's getting older, I notice that certain things are starting to take priority over sleeping with her grandfather, grandmother and father (who also travels that way for the now biweekly sleepovers). Girlfriends and boys become more interesting and she occasionally has children's parties, gymnastics competitions or dance performances on Saturdays. And it's okay. It's a natural development for a ten-year-old girl. Moreover, we notice that she misses it herself when she skips such a sleep weekend. “Would you like to ask if I can sleep with grandma next weekend?” she asks or “can I have an extra night?”. I don't really need to call, I already know the answer, but it makes me happy to see her so happy.
The years after that breakup were much harder than the time when her father and I were unhappy with each other. Because it's true what they say:your child's grief hits you many times harder than your own. Still, I'm glad it happened. It taught me that sometimes you have to step over yourself and your own feelings in favor of the happiness of another.
That is definitely difficult, but certainly not impossible. And really, I know better than anyone that there are plenty of situations where you have to choose for the safety of your child, in which case you definitely should. But my advice to recently divorced mothers in all other cases is to really opt for a large family. Keep the credit to yourself. That pays off in a happy child and at the end of the day that is the most important thing, isn't it?
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*Image used via Shutterstock
