Your children demand your attention, you put a lot of energy into your work, and then there is also the household. Do you recognize the feeling that your partner becomes a kind of closet in your full life? A piece of your household effects? You manage to some extent to manage family life, but you don't get much time for each other. Improving your relationship is not a luxury. On holidays such as Christmas or New Years, it is often very clear how your relationship is doing. You would like to have fun together, but that is not feasible. How can you improve your relationship?
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Sometimes the growing irritation seems insurmountable to each other, with the accompanying nagging pain of removal. Even if you have found a type that suits you exactly. Have you already experienced that you make an attempt to talk to your partner, and that only more misery results? Accusations and defenses, and the overpowering feeling of not being seen? How can you improve your relationship without getting into endless discussions that seem to make the situation worse. Read on and it will become clear to you.
Sometimes partners go on vacation as a couple to get closer together or start couples therapy. This can yield a lot. But going on vacation is not always possible at that time. You may have school-age children, with work that you cannot immediately get off.
However, if you feel that you need to improve your relationship, then waiting is not a good attitude. Improving your relationship, you have to start on time, before it's too late. You could be looking for something to start now. Something that does not require a lot of time and resources, but still has a tangible effect. A relaxation, an opening. I myself have had “dual conversations” with my husband from the start of our cohabitation. These conversations are our anchor in the waves of daily life, we can always find each other again in those conversations.
The German psychoanalyst Michael Lukas Moeller has set the following conditions for "dual conversations". For conversations in a marriage and relationship that lead to greater understanding and a deeper connection.
Women can sometimes pierce men with questions like, “What are you REALLY feeling?” The effect of this is that men become even more closed off. Something with Mars and Venus 😉 , but if they can tell exactly as much as they want, and in their way, an opening will automatically arise and you can improve the relationship. And men don't have to offer their wives any solutions in these conversations. They just listen, making a woman feel more heard and perceived. This creates relaxation the feeling that you are not seen and that alone already works!
In two conversations, you actually do nothing other than with “time-in”, when you take time for yourself. Make room to listen, perceive and name what is there. This is not always fun in terms of content, because you also encounter prejudice, disapproval and painful feelings. But in the end, something else becomes tangible – relaxation, space and lightness. Connection and appreciation are close, and your sense of humor returns. It may all sound a bit complicated, but it is nothing more and less than you used to do. When you were just in love with each other. When children, work and your social life were not yet in the way, and improving your relationship was not an issue.
To really experience an effect, it is useful to have the conversations regularly, preferably weekly. At least 45 minutes long. A ritual can help to clearly demarcate the conversation from the rest of the family:making a cup of tea or lighting a candle, for example. It goes without saying that you should not be interrupted by phone calls during the conversations. Just like taking time for yourself, the intention to really make space for each other already does a lot. You let the other feel that he is important to you!
tip:More tips about romance in your relationship can be found here, also important for improving your relationship. In addition, there are of course plenty of books about it in circulation. Are you thinking about it? Then take a look at this booklet, it is a pleasure to read and has good reviews!
