You loved him too, but the couple you formed did not last. Long weeks have passed since the ax fell. Grieving in love and its stages have revealed what you are capable of, it has brought to light an inner truth that could no longer be silenced, you really had to say goodbye, learn to live after a separation and reconnect with the living.
From then on the intoxication of a new life began. First on tiptoe, you finally got back in the saddle, escorted by an unparalleled euphoria, an enjoyable feeling of regained freedom. Then there were dates , lovers, amused debriefs to friends but in this heap of encounters, a weariness has set in and suddenly a puff of regrets has come to embrace you:“I miss him…he was the good one… ". You know, it's not nostalgia, but a much stronger feeling.
This question then arises:how to attract your ex after a breakup? Here you are opting for the simplicity of a message to tell him that life without him is ultimately a little less beautiful. He answers shyly but he burns inside. You meet again, the space between you is once again crossed by a current of 100,000 volts. The fire resumes and warms you even more. The promise to never “hurt yourself” again is launched, but with tact because we know what we have suffered and the simple evocation of this time without the other tears your heart and yet! If the absence has finally proven to be a cement between you, it is at this precise moment when you think about the buried resentment that saying things to each other is fundamental. Because you know it:conjugality awaits you around the bend and knowing how to negotiate bends well is clearly not your forte. Here is why talking to you will allow you to start on a healthy footing.
The old one didn't work. He was rickety and eventually collapsed. In the new, the idea is not to say goodbye to passion (far from it) but to finally open your arms to reason. You owe it to yourself to marry the two on the altar of co-mmu-ni-ca-tion. But be careful, you are in a flamboyant revival, not in court. Don't get into a blame ping-pong. So we listen to each other, and we let each other talk. If there was a separation, it's because things were wrong with the other, face your truths, it may not be pleasant but it is only on this condition that you will finally accept the differences from each other. Normally the work on oneself carried out during the absence has been done and the words that were so lacking will flow easily.
Don't forget, with the breakup, you have just discovered or rediscovered your inner solitudes, and at present defeated from the fantasy of the perfect fusion, it is a question of making them understand each other…really.
It's the delicate moment, let's face it, but as painful as it can be, we can't escape it. What ? The story, not necessarily detailed, of this time without him. It will be oh so revealing and transcendental for your new couple. Interviewed on the issue by Psychologies magazine, Gilles Formet, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and sexologist, explained:“It belongs to everyone's privacy. Nevertheless, there are two cases where I believe it is positive to allude to the adventures that we have known. First in the fusional couples which, generally, separated because the two protagonists suffocated each other. It's a way of introducing a third party into the story, and therefore of avoiding starting on the same basis as before. Then, in couples where a narcissistic relationship was at stake, one reflecting an ideal image to the other. To say that one has been loved by others is to explain that one has been put in the position of a subject, and this can allow the two partners who find themselves to position themselves definitively as a subject, one facing the other. »
You found each other, and reunions, there is nothing better. It is this feeling of exaltation that you must skillfully cultivate between you. But not too much is needed! Do not turn into a perfect couple, because it will be veiled in illusions; you risk disembodiing yourself and becoming lukewarm and boring. The breakup brought your flaws to light, and they are also the ones that define you because at the end of all things, as Ninon de Lenclos wrote, "In love, we please more by pleasant flaws than by essential qualities .
