Yonina talks about bullying at primary school and what happened to her daughter during her primary school years. The enormous impact this has on her daughter, but also the impact it has on Yonina herself, because it is not easy as a mother of a child who is bullied at school.
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You always hope to be able to avoid it, bullying in primary school. But unfortunately that was not granted to my daughter, she is a victim of the plague. I am not a typical mother. I am one of the youngest mothers in the schoolyard and I dress in black with bright pink/purple/red/black/blue hair. My hair has been all the colors of the rainbow. Because I look different, I'm looked at with the neck, but that doesn't bother me. Not even when I found out that certain kids aren't allowed to play with my daughter because I don't look like a "thirteen in a dozen mother." I try to teach my daughter from an early age that you don't have to adapt to what someone else thinks. You can just be yourself and love yourself!
In second grade there is an incident at school that causes me to have a conversation with my daughter about who she is and what she does. My daughter is not in the school paper because she didn't hand in her craft work for the school paper on time. The teacher only finds out when the school newspaper has already been printed. My girl hates tinkering so she hid her craft in the planter . Not a problem in itself, but when the teacher also reports that my daughter can't read the letters well, while she is already reading books at home, I am quite surprised. So it's time for a chat.
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She tells me:“If I do something stupider, other kids will want to play with me”. For me this is the signal to talk again about the fact that she is good the way she is and that she doesn't have to pretend to be anything else. If some children don't want to play with her, that's their loss. Perhaps easier said than done, but I think this is an important point to discuss. Fortunately, there are enough children who do play with her and she understands me a bit.
Group 3 starts as a super year for her. She gets to show what she can do and her results are really good. Unfortunately, at the age of 7, she is so badly beaten in front of the teacher that she has two broken (milk) teeth that need to be pulled and two damaged and loose (adult) teeth that need to be repaired. In addition, she has a bruised jaw, three bruised ribs and a dislocated knee…
I don't know anything yet and I get a call that she has fallen and needs to go to the dentist. If my daughter can tell what happened after three days, you will understand my dismay. Of course I - angry as I am - go to school and to the parents involved. The bully's parents handle the situation very well, but school is not aware of any harm! My daughter is very skittish after that but gets back up. The taunting isn't completely over, but the rock and water training she gets means she can handle it well.
To stop bullying at primary school, and because I have lost my faith in the current school, I am looking for another school. However, her old school is passing on false information, which makes the other school think that my daughter is badly in need of help and decides not to hire her. I can't get her out of school.
At that moment I call in the compulsory education officer of the municipality, who mediates between us and the school. Some confidence is returning to me and my daughter and we look to the future in the hope that we will get out of this.
In group 6, however, bullying at primary school takes on a different dimension. This time it is not a student but a teacher who starts bullying. The teacher makes fun of my daughter in front of the whole class, tears up her work and keeps her inside as punishment during recess. In addition, she is not allowed to go to the toilet and some other things.
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As a result of this bullying, my daughter no longer wants to go to school and wonders why she was born. She hates her life. I immediately called in psychological help after I had a big discussion with the teacher at the office of the headmistress of the school. The contacts I have about this bullying at primary school even go as far as the assistant to the Secretary of State for Education.
Eventually I contact the other school that previously rejected my daughter. I remind them of their duties and in the end have a nice and good conversation with the headmistress of that school. They are willing to have a chat with my daughter without information from the old primary school!
My daughter has been attending another primary school for 2 years now. Fortunately, after intense EMDR therapy and with the help of the teachers of her new school, she is doing well. Of course there is sometimes a little teasing at school and sometimes it hits her a little too hard, it will probably stay that way. But in general she can deal with it well and now sees the difference between teasing and bullying.
She is confident and has never felt inferior despite the bullying. She doesn't give in to peer pressure, has friends, gets the good grades in school again like before all this bullying in primary school, and has remained herself despite everything. Something I am very proud of! She now wants to be different from others and is proud of herself that she succeeds. When someone else is being bullied, she jumps in and helps them.
I am very proud of her and I tell her that regularly.
Reliving this story gives me tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. I hope people will realize how much impact bullying really has. Especially if this happens at a young age in primary school. That in addition to bullying at primary school by students, there are sometimes teachers who bully – consciously or not.
I'm glad I recognized the signs in time and sought help for my daughter. Not only for my daughter, but also for myself. Because bullying also has a lot of influence on the parents involved. As a mother I was too protective but I have learned to let go of that little by little.
Is bullying an issue that you run into in your family? Perhaps the books below will help you.
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