It is quite a challenge, managing your children's internet use in the right direction. I don't know about you, but it's a topic of conversation with us (almost) every day. When the kids were younger it was all a lot simpler. The agreements we made then were rock solid. Of course we sometimes gave the children a little more freedom when it came to that, but in general it was clear to everyone. And it was also accepted. Today it is all a bit more difficult. With a 15-year-old teenager and a teenage girl who likes to be on TikTok.
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It is a consideration that every parent has to make:how much freedom do I give my child when it comes to using the internet and social media? You do want to give your children the benefits of the internet and let them go with them in their current time. But you also want to protect them from the potential dangers. Almost all parents in the Netherlands (91%) agree that it is their responsibility to supervise the digital media use of their children and more than four in five parents (84%) actually agree on this.
But… that agreements are made about internet use does not always mean that they are actually followed. Only 28% of the children always adhere to the agreements about internet use. This is apparent from a study into parental control that was conducted between 10 and 22 March 2020 by Markteffect on behalf of Price Compare, a website where people can compare the internet. This research was conducted among parents with children aged 6-12 years to map their internet use and the agreements surrounding it.
Of course, more results have emerged from this research, such as:
How much internet, movies and games is healthy for children? Opinions differ on this. Children's internet use also differs. All parents were asked how often their child (estimated) uses digital media. Almost half (48%) indicate that their child spends one to two hours a day on this. As many as one in three children (36%) spend more than two hours a day on digital media and only 16% of children use it for less than an hour a day.
I'm almost too scared to admit it, but I'm sure my kids are one of those 36% who spend more than two hours on the internet a day. Strange, in fact, that as a parent you can really feel ashamed of the internet use of your children. Do you feel that way too?
This is quite a tricky issue and I think parents can easily get it wrong too. The survey shows that 27% trust their child to make the right decisions about digital media. That is of course not much, only research shows that among parents with a low education level, 44% of the parents do trust their children to make the right decisions. In contrast to parents with a higher education level, where this percentage is 22%.
We ourselves have experienced a situation with one of our children in the past that was not entirely pleasant (a stranger who kept in touch with my daughter and asked strange questions). As a result, I am now more careful myself and safe internet use is in any case a continuous topic of conversation.
Yes, if only it were that simple. Of course you can make agreements with your children. But I wonder whether those agreements are always fulfilled. In fact, I can give you a note that it isn't. Not giving your child a phone is an option to avoid these risks, but then you also deprive them of contact with peers from their class, for example. That is a pity.
Six in ten parents (63%) indicate that their child more often than not keeps to the agreements and only one in ten parents (9%) say that their child more often does not keep the agreements. That in itself seems to work. If agreements are violated, it mainly concerns screen time and the allowed games and videos. At least that's what we parents think. Because the question is, of course, whether we know everything about the internet use of our children 😉 .
In any case, I am in favor of discussing as much as possible. So we don't prohibit much (except scantily dressed on photo or video or something like that) and explain a lot about the internet, safe internet and all the dangers we see.
What do Dutch parents think about the consequences of the use of tablets, smartphones and computers for their children? They mainly see the benefits:One third of the parents see no negative consequences at all. More than three quarters (76%) even think that the use of digital media has predominantly positive consequences. One in five parents think it has more negative than positive consequences and only 3% think it has only negative consequences.
A third of the parents (33%) see addiction symptoms in their child as a result of digital media use. About a quarter (26%) see a reduced interaction and one in five parents (19%) see aggression or irritation. Parents also indicate that their child wants to play outside less, is less motivated for other things and that they pick up on foul language online.
The above results of the research do not sound unfamiliar to me. You can only ask yourself whether things would be different without the use of the internet. Would your child play outside? And does your child not learn coarse language at school? Of course it is!
More than three quarters of the parents (77%) see that their child enjoys online videos or games. Two thirds (65%) indicate that their child keeps up with digital developments through the use of digital media and 63% see that it offers children relaxation. That's a fact, children can enjoy themselves in their games and really have a lot of fun with it.
It is striking that only one in six parents (15%) considers making social contacts a positive consequence for their children. And I think that's a shame, because the social contacts are really a fact. At least, in our house. In fact, there are now social contacts taking place offline that started online. For example, my son got to know many more friends from surrounding villages. All because of internet use and online gaming with friends where other friends join in. Now they regularly meet offline, which is great fun!
Have home schooling and quarantine measures mean that we make different agreements with our children about their digital media use? In a separate survey, which took place between April 24 and May 15, 2020, parents were asked a number of questions regarding the corona crisis.
More than four in ten parents indicate that they have indeed made other arrangements since home schooling. A large majority of that group (75%) say that they have relaxed the agreements. On the other hand, one in five parents (21%) has tightened up the agreements. Of the parents who opted for relaxation, six in ten (60%) indicate that this is due to the lack of other options for their children. 49% of the parents who have tightened up the agreements do so because they have more time to check it.
What I'm still curious about is 'do they roll this back'? For example, now that primary school children are going back to school, I wonder if there are parents who also reverse this relaxation. Did you do that? Or is your children's internet use simply flowing on the most recent appointments?
It's not new, I've heard and read it more than once and luckily we also apply it reasonably ourselves. Denise Bontje, who specializes in media education, language development and play, also feels the same way. She is happy that agreements have been made about the use of the internet by the children, but she is also happy that parents understand that children do not always adhere to this.
“That realization is a good step towards safe digital media use,” she says. “It's not just about making appointments. It is only really safe if you are involved and if you create the confidence in your child that he can come to you with questions.
Children need a framework in which they can develop freely, also when it comes to internet use. Or maybe even especially when it comes to internet use. Keep the conversation going about this, without attaching a certain weight to it and show interest. Your children will love it if you want to know how a certain game works or if you watch all the videos made on TikTok.
Only when they start puberty you will hear the following:'Mom, I also have a private life' 😉 .
