We often do and say things out of habit, without thinking about it. In most cases, that's not a bad thing, but the following 7 everyday things are actually very toxic. Not only for yourself, but also for those around you
Most people do not realize that some actions or statements are actually not possible at all. Not surprising, because our lives partly consist of automatism. You do things because you have learned it that way or are used to it. Yet there are countless examples of things that may seem very normal to you, but are actually very toxic.
Things you say to a friend, to your child or your partner, the way you treat someone can all be red flags without you even realizing it. That's what makes it so difficult. In addition, it is often so common that not everyone notices it and is bothered by it. In the long term, however, this can have very nasty consequences for your girlfriend, partner or your child.
In order to be able to change things, you must of course know what to look for. That is why you will find below 7 everyday things that are actually very toxic.
Note beforehand:if you notice that there are things in your life that you have seen as normal until now, but after reading this article you see them as toxic, then it is time to change course and do things differently. However, don't expect this to go well right away. It takes a person about three weeks to make a habit of something. And that only works if you do this several times on a daily basis. So don't blame yourself if you sometimes still lapse into toxic behavior.
In some cases the proverb:'Speaking is silver, silence is gold' certainly applies, but that is not always the case. We often think we are doing others a favor by not saying what we really mean. This could be out of politeness, to protect ourselves or because we just haven't learned to stand up for ourselves and our own opinion.
Yet this, however well-intentioned, can also be very toxic behavior. That's because the other person then gets a completely wrong image of us and how we think about certain things. No one can see inside your head, so just say it like it is. That way everyone knows where he or she stands.
Little tip:there is a difference between saying things and saying things. You can give your own opinion, but do so in a way that the other person is not hurt unnecessarily. So not:that dress is ugly and doesn't suit you at all, but rather:sorry, but I think you should choose another dress that flatters you more. This model/color does not suit you very well.
A difficult point, because it is always said that the bond with your family is inextricable. Nevertheless, circumstances can bring it to a point in your life when it is better to cut ties. Think, for example, of family members who are a bad influence, who are only negative or who show narcissistic traits.
It's certainly not easy, but in some cases it's the only way to protect yourself. Relatives who say that you should never cut ties with your family are often people who want to (unknowingly) take advantage of you and think that their bad behavior does not have to have consequences.
In principle, loyalty is a very good quality. Especially in a relationship you want your partner to be loyal to you. That also applies the other way around, of course. Still, you can go too far in your loyalty in several ways, especially when it comes to your own child, partner or other family member. There is no point in remaining loyal to someone who is constantly going astray in life. Or to remain loyal to a partner who is constantly cheating, berating you or making mistakes.
Forgiveness is beautiful, so is staying loyal, but at some point you have to choose yourself and check whether the person in question deserves your loyalty. If not? Then it's time to distance yourself from this person, because blind loyalty does no one any good.
It sounds so innocent:making fun of your partner. But actually this is very toxic behavior and there is no excuse when this is permissible, even if you are drunk. Making fun of your partner in front of others is adolescent behavior and has no place among people who are mature and in stable relationships. By making these jokes you are actually tearing down your partner in front of family and friends.
If you notice that your partner is doing this to you or you to him/her, then it is high time to take a closer look at your relationship. Maybe the two of you don't fit together as well as you thought.
Many parents will recognize themselves in the following. You pressure your child to hug or even kiss people you trust (your parents, brother, sister). That seems very innocent and in your eyes there should be nothing wrong with it, but in fact this is behavior that you want to get rid of as quickly as possible.
On the contrary, it is good to teach your child that he or she should never go beyond his or her own limits. Especially when it comes to physical contact in the form of a hug or a kiss. Just because you feel comfortable with a person doesn't mean your child has the same feelings. By putting pressure on your child, you indicate that your child's opinion does not count. Let your child decide for himself whether he wants to give a family member a hug or kiss and don't put any pressure on it.
It is a habit that many parents have inherited from their parents. You used to have to eat your plate, otherwise you got punished. Moreover, you had to hear a sermon about how well you have it compared to children in Africa who have to go to bed on an empty stomach.
Unfortunately, it has become apparent that this is an outdated method of parenting. It is better that you scoop less and let your child eat until he is no longer hungry. There is nothing wrong with not eating a plate. After all, you are not equally hungry or hungry every time. That also applies to your child.
By letting your child decide when he or she has had enough, you also send a signal that you are listening to your child. And teaches your child to eat until the moment of satiety. Your child will take this with him throughout his life and it will benefit from it when it comes to his or her own health.
Of course, a small caveat needs to be made here. Some children are bad eaters, so you have to intervene. Fortunately, there are plenty of other ways to get your child to eat enough.
Tip:This is how you make a fussy eater eat
You may be wondering what's wrong with optimism after reading this subheading. There is nothing wrong with this in itself. BUT, you can also have false optimism, causing you to hurt or insult people. You often see that when someone has lost a loved one and is still grieving. In the beginning, many people understand the other person, but this often turns into false optimism. This undermines their grief.
Statements like:it's been so long, you have to get on with your life, pull yourself together because you're still here… It all falls under the heading of false optimism or positivity. Even if you mean well, these are certainly not statements you should make against someone who is in the middle of a period of mourning.
This is just a small example. There are, of course, many more situations in which you can deal with false optimism. For example, staying in a relationship against your better judgement, while the other person does not change.
