Hearing these few letters ricochet against our eardrums, our hairs stand on end, our tongue spits like an angry cat (inwardly, otherwise it would be weird) and we start to moan, cry and - in a great moment of despair - smile .
So, we're going to put an end to these cliches about love once and for all, by showing what they would REALLY look like in REAL LIFE*.
The horror ! You are quiet, reading Biba while scratching your belly under the duvet, singing Larusso in the shower, waxing your bikini line with tweezers or -worse- in full action in the toilets and there:BAM! The man of your life falls from the ceiling and collapses on you.
You (pulling up your panties):"Oh! Hmm. Hello. I really didn't expect that. It's all a little embarrassing. »
Him:“Indeed. I didn't really expect that either. Farewell. »
If this sentence really had a meaning, humanity would have died out a very long time ago, the fault of the death of love. And then, if we are a little more serious for two minutes, we quickly realize that it is not by staying at home and waiting for Prince Charming to ring at our pink door that we will meet, huh?
What bothers me here is the "re" before the "found", implying that we have ALREADY found these gentlemen. So I don't know about you, but if IN ADDITION to seeing (behind my tears in Niagara Falls mode) the man I love slamming the door in my face, I have to see 10 awful jojos from my past come back, I say no ! We're not going to add more either!
And even then, what do the people who tell us that believe? That imagining ourselves having an ulala party with 10 exes at the same time will lift our spirits, while our mind is in total despair mode, busy paying homage to this phrase so true and so "cliché":"A single being miss you and everything is depopulated"? One lost is one lost and that's enough, period! Let me eat my penard ice cream while crying now!
Hehehe, that would be nice. But in real life, love doesn't make us feel any lighter. In fact, it even makes us fat like geese. In a study published by the DailyMail, 60% of respondents admit to having gained a few pounds (sometimes a lot more) since they settled into a stable relationship, while 72% even think that their partner has actually grown a little stronger (a lot less romantic all of a sudden, huh?).
Ha yeah? Thanks for the info, say so! According to my instantaneous calculations, I will therefore end up in concubinage with at least 3 men, since I have already been madly in love with two men before meeting my new friend. Besides, maybe I should tell him now, just so he knows, huh, what do you think?
No but girlfriend, I like you. But if life were so simple, there would be no failed relationship, there would be no divorce, everything would be simple and everything would be beautiful. Except that in real life, love sometimes scrambles our brain, body, senses,... And then, we can't "know" anything about love. Love is not a matter of reason. Never. Never ever.
Not false (see point 4). It's also what we sometimes say to ourselves when we're in a relationship with an all-white, all-scientific blond, when we fantasized about beautiful dark browns that are a little artistic... But that's not actually being blind , thinking about it. On the contrary, it is to be endowed with a superpower of lucidity which prevents us from being blinded by appearances and pre-conceived fantasies! And knock!
In real life taken with hindsight, yes. In real life where we snuggle in despair against a cold cushion after crying hot tears in front of Love Actually alone with our loneliness while singing inwardly (out of respect for the neighbors) "All By Myself", we think that even the shoulder of Bobby, our model enthusiast colleague and interesting as a dead oyster, would do the trick.
You are right. Love is that simple. We are a minimum flirtatious and PAM, HE arrives "falling" from the sky. But sometimes there are visibly bugs in the matrix, since you (the person who put this sentence out to me and whom I'm about to insult in a totally gratuitous way even if you're a good person but that's all fed up) you have a guy.
It's you who is difficult (to absurd attack, absurd response).
Somewhere in France, April 1934. After weeks of springtime love, spent in the coolness of the edge of a lake, talking for hours on end in the intoxicating fields of poppies, hand in hand, breath against breath, eyes in eyes, Edgar turns to Eglantine:
Edgar:Eglantine, I love you.
Eglantine:Oh Edgar, me neither.
Edgar:Uh... Eglantine... I don't think you understood me well (hum). I love you!
Eglantine:If Edgar I understood correctly, neither do I!
Edgar:But...uh...um...Does that mean you do too or "no", I don't like you?
Eglantine:But Edgar, what are you telling me here? Why won't you understand me? " Neither do I! is simple, isn't it?
Edgar:Eglantine… You're kidding! Since that's it, I'm going home to my mother!
This sentence means nothing. CQFD. That's all.**
That's NOT knowing AT ALL what's going on in the brain of a girl who's been single for several months... The girl who's been single for several months, man, she's already sifted through her head ALL the men she knows and even the friends of the friends AND the friends of the friends of the friends EVEN the friends of the friends of the friends of the friends.
So put a cookie ice cream under my eyes instead, until HE might fall on me (we can still dream, right?).
* Article written with a lot of bad faith .
** Written with a LOT of bad faith because fed up with complicated stories. Simple stories, sometimes, are great too.
