If you don't want to be pushed around, take your blockages in the face, and work out your issues with Cupid (and yourself), then don't go to "Love Cafes." Because if you inadvertently let your head and ears hang out there, you'll come out of it from "a little" to "very upset" on the Richter scale, with a fresher outlook on love that'll bring you a little closer to the relationship of your dreams.
Are you heading? so we tell you how it goes.
When I say "love coffees", you think of a "single dating" evening over a cappuccino or a latte ? Not at all (although you can have a coffee, huh)! In the spirit of philosophy cafés, Bénédicte Ann, author of Le Prochain c’est le bon , animates a (free) moment of debates and exchanges on the theme of love to better understand and tame it.
When I got to the cafe with my buddy Marie and we headed upstairs, the guy behind the bar yelled at us, "Get a chair!" ". We thought it was a joke (not funny) so we went up and in fact… well the room was packed and we actually needed a chair to sit in, in a row with the others, facing Bénédicte Ann . As for a lesson... much more interactive, fun and emotionally charged.
And who are the other spectators? Singles, people in a relationship who want to improve it or save it, a few coaches who came to seek inspiration too... A lot of girls, that evening, PSG match required. "Usually, there are twice as many men", says Bénédicte Ann, supported by the "yes yes" of some regulars.
It's hard to understand by seeing her how this former psychologist, who defines herself as "self-taught in love" (because she learned a lot about love in the field), went into coaching. When you hear his very energetic voice, you have the impression of being in boxing. "If you don't want to be coached in front of everyone and I ask you questions, don't ask me or I'll answer you with another question," she warns, sitting on her table, Oprah Winfrey style. but more warlike.
Because here, you have the choice. Either you listen, participate a little and enrich yourself with other stories. Or you volunteer to be coached for free. The least:it's in front of everyone (not easy to talk about intimate stuff) but the most is that it's free (instead of 60 euros in private). Give and take.
The tone is very direct. When someone asks her a question, she responds briefly, without beating around the bush, then raises straight to the point, to hit where it hurts (she even admits to "liking" seeing you cry because it means that she hit the nail on the head). Ouch… but phew:people here have come to be pushed around. Yes, it is sometimes by being a little jostled that we open our eyes.
Bénédicte Ann's brain is fast. Too fast even, we almost say to ourselves at the beginning, faced with the speed of the analyzes she performs and the "solutions" she draws after having listened, very concentrated, to the spectators. In front of a woman who comes to talk about her decline in desire for her husband since the birth of her baby, she goes back to the family diagram in a few questions. Verdict? His low libido is due to a pattern inscribed in his head since childhood. Yep, her mom had taught her (subconsciously) that sex was for making babies (even though the participant believed her mom was "very greedy").
Initially, being suspicious, I must admit that I found it a bit easy to put everything on the parents' backs and that the speed of the coaching bothered me a bit (is real life that simple?). Luck or great skill? The fact is that each time, Bénédicte Ann was right on target. Gradually, I relaxed and felt like I was watching The Mentalist, love version. (her, when she watches the series, she must find the villain in two-two!).
"It's always good to hear these stories because we often lack perspective on ourselves. Others help us see what is blocking us or moving us forward,” explains one participant, who came just to listen and learn, like many.
On to practice
Eh yes ! You tell yourself that by listening nicely in your corner without being noticed, it will pass cream. But no, no, no! We don't just think here, we also act. So, when we've barely arrived, Bénédicte asks us to turn to someone we don't know and say to each other one after the other, "My name is Bidule, and what I like about you is is…”, and that in addition I come across a guy my age and not really ugly, I am mortified because he is super shy.
So when he compliments me, I blush and stutter. And when it's my turn, I turn purple. Ditto when we have to explain to another stranger what pains us and what upsets us in love. But with stress, there's no time to think:we only release real stuff... which resonates even louder in our heads. We also learn to surpass ourselves and to punch our fears like boxers! “Do something every day that scares you,” advised Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of the famous American president. Just.
So, when we come out, ok:we need an aspirin (or even two). But like after a sports session where you are a little out of breath and sore, you feel that you have made good progress, that you are stronger, more "in motion", and you are proud of yourself! Yippee.
Because Bénédicte Ann transmits an energy that will stay with you for several days.
Because you can have a free coaching session by offering to be the guinea pig.
Because just by hearing the other stories, we move forward, we understand better. We can be even tougher in love and also advise our cops well. My friend Marie, for example, finally managed to identify after this evening why she only came across assholes.
Because Mentalist , it's over on TV. Bénédicte Ann could become your new appointment.
Because we see that we are not the only one struggling in love and that there are much worse than us! And it makes you uninhibited. Whew!
Because a no-frills dinner is offered afterwards and it's an opportunity to have a good time chatting (and why not meet someone?).
> www.cafedelamour.fr
> Bénédicte Ann, Self-diagnosis in love, Les éditions de l'homme, 2012
> Bénédicte Ann, The next one is the good one!, Albin Michel, 2011 (Read after self-diagnosis)
