Does your child always sulk, isolate themselves and seem to deny your authority? Welcome to adolescence! Rest assured, it is possible to survive this "crisis" period. Managing Conflict With Your Teen While Helping Them Grow Up:Here's How.
Why is your teen changing?
The crisis of adolescence, everyone knows it. But what is often ignored is why a child changes his behavior during adolescence. What's going through his head? Françoise Dolto, famous French pediatrician and psychoanalyst, speaks of "the lobster complex". Clearly, the physical and psychological transformation that a teenager experiences disturbs him and gives him the impression of being a stranger to himself. He is no longer the child he was, nor does he know what kind of adult he will be. Like the lobster, the teenager gets rid of his shell to acquire another. Between these two periods, he feels uncomfortable, vulnerable and often misunderstood by others, even his own parents. This is where the conflicts arise.
Uncomfortable teens? Not so sure!
9 out of 10 teenagers feel good about their bodies, 1 out of 3 teenagers (37%) even feel very good about themselves. Enough to sweep away the old myth of the complexed teenager![1]
How to deal with conflict with your teenager?
How to support your teenager during this tumultuous time and not break the bond?
Don't overprotect your child
Even if you still see your teen as your baby, let them experiment on their own. By overprotecting him, you make his autonomy more difficult and make him doubt his self-confidence. For example, allow him to go to a party with his friends, and specify that you are worried, of course, but that you are confident.
Don't be too bossy
Authoritarianism breeds rebellion and lies. The more authority you show, the more your teen will do what he wants to do… in secret. The risk is the total loss of the ties that unite you with your child, sometimes with runaways, addictions (drugs, alcohol, etc.), self-harm. Take the pressure off a bit and let your teen break your rules. This is the best way to give him the opportunity to be aware of the dangers, and to discuss if he finds himself in a difficult situation.
Let it build itself
Don't like her friends or her new jeans or her hairstyle? He doesn't like the way you give him life advice anymore? Adolescence is a period of construction. So let your teenager do their own experiments and find their own solutions. You will make him a confident adult.
Help him find his way
It's not easy being a teenager! They are already being asked to know what they want to do with their lives at 14, when many adults have still not found their way. If your child seems confused about his orientation, do not force him to choose studies that appeal to you. Your stubbornness would be a source of conflict. Put yourself more in the shoes of a life coach. Ask him questions about what he likes, and why.
If your teen likes to draw, for example, what are they looking for? Calm ? Building a better world? Desire to be recognized as an artist? Or a sense of freedom? Help him find his way, without influencing him.
Get support to rediscover your bond
Conflicts with your teenager are so bad that the dialogue is broken? Is your child becoming more and more isolated? Do you feel depressed? Are you concerned about behaviors that are harmful to his health? This may be the time to get support to move forward. Don't see this as a failure. On the contrary, turning to a professional is a way to put your difficulties into words, and to be able to live a fulfilling adolescence. By playing the role of mediator in a complicated parent-adolescent relationship, the psychologist will help you redefine a new relationship established on respect.
Struggles with your teen? What if that's a sign you're overdoing it a bit? Let your child take flight while accompanying him with kindness towards his adult life. Nothing like it for healthy parent-child relationships.
[1] Pfizer/Ipsos Health Foundation
