The ideal is of course to release enough authority naturally to not not have to punish:
But for a child, disobeying is part of discovering the world, and we are forced to find ways to punish it.
Here are 3 tips inspired by my experience as a teacher and a mom to do it intelligently.
The punishment is indeed the proof that one has failed to transmit the rule , as a parent or educator.
But 1) any rule basically only works if it comes with a penalty for breaking it , and 2) the growing child constantly seeks limits:so sometimes we have to punish .
Obviously it's no longer about corporal punishment or staying "on the corner" for hours!
And the first principle is to make sure that punishments are rare , and still in relation to the fault . A few explanations.
This question may seem silly, but it's true that we can ask ourselves:is it really useful?
Remember that to educate is to empower .
Assuming the consequences of one's actions is part of this objective.
Education is also transmitting rules which help the child to understand what is allowed and what is forbidden, in summary what is good and what is bad.
So the rule should be very clear.
And if the child disobeys, there is no possible negotiation. We stick to what was agreed.
The best punishments will serve to make him responsible.
Anyway, if the parent does not take charge of applying the sanction, out of laxity or weariness, the child can go so far as to adopt self-punitive behavior in the long run:risky behavior, anorexia, etc.
To punish, sometimes, is to make a fulfilled child!
1. Restorative Sanctions :the most effective.
Examples :Repairing what has been broken, putting back what has been disturbed, cleaning what has been soiled. Or remove an hour from the next outing if the teenager returned an hour late on the scheduled time.
Everyone judges what is important in the family setting.
2.Deprivations :for toddlers, deprive them of the presence of their parents by isolating them for a few minutes in their room is more than enough. For older children, I choose activities that are not necessary for their physical or mental development:I eliminate TV, video games, computers, outings, but not food (to banish the famous "deprived of dessert"), nor sports session or music lessons.
3.Punishments that require physical effort :the child then pays his debt by spending himself, by giving of himself . Mow the lawn, vacuum, clean the windows. This relieves him of his guilt:he thus "pays" for his fault.
In all cases, the a sanction must be related to the fault . And it must be punctual:if punishment becomes the only means of being obeyed, it is because authority is not sufficiently established.
And you, what do you think of the punishments? We look forward to your comments on this.
