Talking to your kids isn't always easy...
They have ideas on everything and endless stories.
They see the world with completely different eyes from ours.
All the questions they have would be enough to occupy an entire afternoon.
And finding the right words to communicate with them is a real challenge.
Also, in complicated situations, you can quickly feel overwhelmed and have trouble keeping calm.
You feel under pressure, you can't find your words anymore and it becomes difficult to hide your exasperation.
Everything that comes out of our mouth is a sound halfway between a grunt and a sigh...
Fortunately, there are simple and effective phrases to facilitate communication with your children on a daily basis and thus avoid arguments.
Here are 12 powerful phrases to talk more easily with your children . Watch:
A "but" can aggravate an already tense discussion.
In addition to erasing everything positive that has been said before, a simple "but" can hurt and sow confusion.
Saying "I love you but..." or "I'm sorry but..." is often understood as "I love you but not enough" or "I'm sorry but not really".
Instead, replace "but" with "however…".
It gives weight to what you said just before, but also to what you will say after.
Examples:
"I love you. Still, I can't let you be vulgar".
"I'm sorry you're angry. However, I don't allow you to hit your comrades".
One of the best ways to create a balance of power is to leave the choice to the children.
As with this type of question:"Are you ready to eat?"
or "Can we go get dressed now?" or "Will you pick up your toys?"
These formulas are perfect only if you want to leave the choice to your child.
Otherwise, you must formulate your request more clearly by ending with "please".
Examples:
"It's time to sit down to eat, you have to come and eat, please."
"I'm asking you to go get dressed, please."
"You need to pick up your toys, please."
"I can see you both want the same toy."
"I can see you're very angry…"
In the event of a problem, it is best to simply observe the situation. This way you avoid blaming the child or making assumptions.
On the contrary, you show that you are trying to understand what is going on.
In this way, everyone is much more willing to find a solution to the problem.
To make it work, just start by describing what you see, without being judgmental.
Then invite your child to finish your sentence to find out what happened.
As with point number 3, the main thing is not to jump to conclusions too quickly.
Instead, let your child speak first.
This formula works just as well in the event of an argument as in the situation where you are trying to guess what your child has drawn.
"Describe what you drew..." works better than saying "What a cute bear!" (especially if the child actually drew a dog).
"Tell me what happened..." is much more effective than "I can't believe you hit him!" (especially if before that the other kid taunted him for 2 hours).
This formula is ideal for getting out of difficult times.
It comes to me from my grandmother. I've put it into practice thousands of times.
Telling a child that you care and enjoy watching them every day can really help them build good self-esteem.
The best way to encourage a child to behave well is to point out good deeds and qualities.
Examples:
"I like watching you play with your brothers."
"I love listening to you play the piano."
"I like watching you play Legos."
It is a simple and effective formula that shows the child that we are attentive to him.
It also reminds us to slow down to enjoy the moment.
On a day-to-day basis, we tend to want to immediately resolve any problem that arises.
But in fact, it is important to empower children and teach them to solve them on their own.
Examples:
"What do you think you could do to cheer up your sister?"
"What do you think you could do to reconcile with your friend?"
"What do you think you could do to fix what you broke?"
This type of sentence encourages children to take initiatives on their own and not just offer them a ready-made solution.
Hence the importance of TON and TU in the sentence:"In YOUR opinion, what could YOU do…."
In some situations, it is clear that children need our help.
At that moment, what is important is to give them a hand, but not to fly to their aid right away.
The objective is to show them that we are there to help them if necessary, without relieving them of their responsibility.
Examples:
"How can I help you fix this broken toy?"
"How can I help you tidy up your room?"
"How can I help you with your homework?"
In some cases, we KNOW perfectly well that our children are leading us on.
If they are told right away "You are lying to me!", they will withdraw into themselves or become defensive.
You can avoid an argument by simply starting by saying what you know.
And it works just as well if faced with a lie as if faced with a big misunderstanding.
Examples:
"What I know is that there were 4 cookies on the plate when I left."
"What I do know is that toys can't move on their own."
"What I do know is that Laura's mom wasn't home today."
Asking a child to help you understand a situation is much less accusatory than saying "explain yourself".
You send him the message that you don't understand, but that you WANT to understand.
Examples:
"Help me understand how it got here."
"Help me understand what happened."
Children aren't always the only ones who make mistakes. Adults and parents do it too!
Recognizing your own mistakes and blunders also means giving your child the opportunity to learn that it's always better to recognize your faults than to deny.
But not only.
He is also taught that everyone makes mistakes.
When a child sees us acknowledging our mistakes and apologizing, they immediately understand that they can do the same.
And when you know how to reconcile quickly, it makes relationships even stronger.
In everyday life, it is important to give as much importance to the good times as to the difficult ones.
This means, for example, highlighting the nice moments that exist even on really difficult days.
Indeed, our children need to know that their efforts are not going unnoticed.
It's like when we ourselves expect a little recognition after working hard on a professional project.
Examples:
"Thank you for putting your snack away this morning."
"Thank you for listening so kindly to what I had to say to you."
"Thank you for helping your sister."
Or even:“Thank you for tidying up your room. I know you wanted to do something else first. pain."
It is essential to remember these three words and not hesitate to pronounce them often.
Our words and our actions must show our children that we will ALWAYS love them, against all odds.
In all the studies on child development that I have read, there are 2 truths that keep coming back:
1. Above all, it is human relationships that promote the learning and development of the child.
2. Loving unconditionally is the basis of any healthy human relationship, especially between members of the same family.
Before, during and after the most complicated situations, we must tell our children that they will always be loved and safe with us, no matter what.
Showing love can make up for any mistakes parents may make (because yes, no one is perfect!).
And this, even when we can't find the right words or when we don't communicate as we should.
When you clearly show your love to your child and they grow up surrounded by care, you always manage to find a way to reconcile.
