The power of a mother. Unbelievable how strong it is. It starts with childbirth, but that power lasts a lifetime. As long as a mother has children, she has that inner strength. Sometimes that power is infinite. Would you rather not have it, but you have no choice. It is necessary…
While all the fibers in your body shout no very loudly and your entire mind fights against it. Ideally you would like to kick everything and cry very loudly. At least I do. But it's impossible. Because I have to do it.
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A mother's strength lies in making choices that are good for her children. Even if she does that to herself too short and hurts terribly. Self (or in my case) efface my feelings for a higher purpose. Why? Because I am a mother and I go through the dust for my children. Because I do everything for them that I am capable of to make sure I achieve what I want to achieve. For them.
And that for me at the moment is sparring with the enemy. The enemy I have a past with, a painful past. A past that comes back to my dreams every night. Which I still think about every day. And I cannot forget. It is not possible to give a place yet, because I still have to deal with the enemy. And I do not want that. I fight against it, but unfortunately…
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However painful. I needed the enemy today. And had to conquer very high inner mountains in one day. What a rollercoaster that is. What a victory if you succeed, what a pain if you have done it.
I feel like I betrayed someone. Like I stabbed someone in the back. Like I'm the greatest traitor ever. I betrayed myself, but that too is the power of a mother. I administered that knife to myself. Just because I had to, because I had no other choice. I could do differently for myself, but not for my children. So I did it.
And then it's waiting. I stand with a white flag. Made me surrender. I made myself vulnerable and ignored myself. And the enemy is now in control. And I don't know what they're going to do. I don't know how they react. I can only wait and hope that everything will be fine.
It's okay, I'll be thankful I did. If it doesn't work out, I've done what I had to do, but I've lost the battle. Anyway… I can look myself in the mirror and tell myself I've overcome this. That I was stronger than my feeling, my mind, my pain. That I took myself to a higher level for my children. Because I do everything for them that is necessary.
And that's what I'm mother for. Honest, sincere, determined, committed. The children above all, in spite of everything, in spite of myself.
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Everyone deals with that in their own way. Stays aloof from it or does the confrontation fully. Everyone has an enemy, one way or another.
But any mother who has, has had, or will have an enemy and has to deal with it to secure the future of her children knows what I'm talking about. Know what feeling is in me. Know what power is within me. Because she currently has or will experience that feeling, which has had that power herself.
Every mother knows what to do for her children...
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