Do you know the marshmallow experiment with children? They get one candy. The researcher leaves for a moment. And if they don't have one when they get back, they get another one. That results in beautiful television, that self-control learning in a child. Also in The Secret Life of 4 year olds, the impulses of kids were often put to the test. What turned out? Teaching your child self-control is not always easy for parents. What is that about? And how can you best tackle it? Here you can read tips to teach your child to deal with impulses differently.
Check the marshmallow test first, if you are not familiar with it.
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As adults, of course, we don't just let ourselves go. We keep ourselves neatly under control. Just kidding! Even grown-ups often have trouble with their impulses. How often do you throw a curse in traffic? Or do you eat a box of chocolates in one go? Danielle already wrote about it:impulse control for moms and dads is just as much a must. But it is sometimes hard to find with us…
This is especially true for toddlers and preschoolers. Can you finally talk (read:demand) and walk (read:grab what you can)… suddenly nothing is allowed anymore! Toddlers and preschoolers are still busy discovering their freedoms. And impulse control is often not part of that. Although of course that differs per child.
Self-control arises from many factors. Don't worry, it's not just your upbringing. The personality of your child also has a major influence. Some have more self-control than others. Do you have a waiting child who prefers to see the cat out of the tree first? Then there is often more self-control. But of course there are plenty of toddlers who go blind for everything. And that leaves you as a parent with a major challenge:teaching your child self-control. But how do you do that?
Don't get angry too quickly. Or in the case of some children:explode. Don't want to eat a whole bag of chips. Or run from the table while daddy is still eating. Teaching your child self-control is not easy. Below are tips and tactics to help your kids learn to control their impulses. The most important tip:stay patient. But that actually applies to every part of education…
Teaching your child self-control is not easy. It's more of a long-term project. Your child must first learn what exactly impulse control means. Be clear about that. And consistently. Explain why you sit at the table together until everyone is ready. You can also have a little fun with that. In this way, your child learns that alternatives to his own impulses are often not wrong at all. And of course the keyword remains consistent.
Do you want to teach your child self-control? Answer the following question:how well does your child actually listen? You can clearly tell what's going on. But your bloods seem to turn their ears off from time to time. In other words:did your message get across? Have your child repeat what you have said. This way you know whether your 'assignment' has been correctly interpreted.
If your child starts to listen to you better, he or she will probably also listen better to the teacher. Or to friends. They then learn that they do not just have their own vision. Others have them too. And taking others into account is also self-control!
We said it above:moms and dads are not saints either. If your child sees you freaking out, of course it has the opposite effect. Teaching your child self-control becomes difficult if you cannot control yourself. Time for a bit of self-reflection:how well can we actually control ourselves? How about you?
Children who react impulsively are often influenced by all kinds of stimuli. Sometimes they just need some rest and self-reflection. Let them think about their options in a quiet place. Was it smart to react so impulsively? Or are they now realizing that it could have been done differently? Let them think for themselves for a while. After that, as a parent you can of course start the conversation.
Perhaps the best tip:get started yourself! Practice makes perfect, even when teaching your child self-control. Just do your own marshmallow experiment! Tip:let daddy play the 'researcher', and participate in 'the investigation' yourself. Mum will probably last not to get rid of that candy. With that extra candy in mind, of course. And you can nicely remind your mini-me of that. That way you can come up with all kinds of exercises to work on your child's self-control. And maybe yours will get better too.
Do you have any good tips for working on our kids' self-control? Then share them below!
You can read more about impulse control training in this article.
